I love my kids

Tonight we had our youth Christmas party, and for those of you who weren't aware, I am the interim youth pastor, having inherited the youth group during the pastoral transition. For those of you who knew me when I started Bethany or before, you know I hated teenagers and thought them to be ridiculous creatures.

They are ridiculous, often. And I love them. Or at least, I love mine. LOVE them.

This was the first annual J.P. Peterson Smith Seasonal Decorating Challenge. We started with an unrelated activity --- walking around the neighbourhood and handing out invitations to our Christmas Eve service. My kids did not complain, and they made haste and got the job done. I love them. Then we had hot chocolate. Then I introduced the challenge, split them into teams, and sent them to make Christmas cards for myself and my intern, Joey (one team making cards for one, the other for the other - you get it). Paul judged them, and the top four card makers won a decorating item. Then we did a candy cane hunt, and the team who found the most won a little Christmas tree with lights. Then they decorated --- one team Joey's office, one team my office. I love my office, and my kids!

Team Joey won the coveted J.P. Peterson Smith Award for Outstanding Seasonal Decorating (a "trophy" they got to sign --- really, a pylon) because they broke the decorating tie by answering questions about J.P. Peterson Smith (who is not a real person, but I had shared some info about him earlier). Daniel is so funny - someone turned around and asked me if J.P. Peterson Smith was real, and I said, "He's real in my heart..." And so when Paul says, "what do you know about J.P. Peterson Smith?", Daniel matter-of-factly says, "He's alive in our hearts" - too funny :) He also remembered that J.P. had a dog name FeeFee, but called him Fred around his friends because he was embarrassed to have a sissy dog.

Then we watched Homestarrunner stuff on the big screen --- my kids are just learning to love it, and so they're as excited about it as I was when I first found it. It's fun to be able to share that with them now.

Did I mention that I love my kids?

Heather K-S, this is for you...

Wow, what a random thing to come across! (For those of BBCers from my Oral Comm class - this is the official documentation of my "hotdogs are made from racoons" speech that had so many of you convinced for so long!)

CBC Article about my best friend from high school :)

From Josh's Blog

I'm waiting to find out what book Josh got this from, and I'll add the info when I know. But I loved this enough to repeat it:

Jesus' Invitation: Come and Follow
Jesus' Closing Mandate: Go

Some 'churches' invitation: Come and Listen
Some 'churches' closing mandate: No

Addendum to "Shallow"

The issue isn't a Messiah complex; it's about embodying your values. I don't want to save the world - Someone already did that. I just want to believe something enough that it changes how I live. It's a matter of integrity.

Thanks

Today my husband and I spent 8 full, uninterupted hours together, and again it feels like all is right with the world.

I have no doubt it won't last, because I know very well that all is NOT right in the world. But it's these moments that God uses to get us through. And I just wanted to say "thank you" so more than my heart and my Saviour would hear.

Feeling shallow

It wasn't just five years in Bible college that made me think a lot. I had always been critical and cynical. I had always questioned things fed to me as truth. I had always taken the time to examine my own thoughts and feelings and motives. I liked to debate and learn. I liked to paint pictures of my own spiritual state, then paint over them again and again. I liked and hated to think about the way that church fell short, and society fell short, and people fell short. And I always mulled over my own short-comings and beat myself up.

Then, somehow, full time ministry made me shallow.

Maybe I just lost the spark of challenge. I spend my days with more-or-less like-minded people. I stopped the search for information, exchanging it for the necessary search for RESOURCES to suppliment my job tasks. And when the challenges do arise that might give me food for thought, I shut down instead of stepping up. Of course, that's mostly because the challenge of philosophy takes the shape of a personal affront, and if I allow myself to dwell to much on the PRINCIPLE in question, I end up dwelling on the PERSONAL, and just cry and fight the urge to quit and run.

I need to think again. I need to reclaim the principles I believe in and not allow living by them to set me up for EMOTIONALLY dying by them. I need to find people to fight with again. I need to stop escaping into books and media, and stop blogging about my cat.

Or do I?

Maybe I REALLY just need to become more of a servant of the church than a slave to my work. To live my life and serve based on the light I've been given and the inspiration I receive. Oswald Chambers always warns against becoming consumed with your own spiritual life and journey rather than simply focused on the tragedy of the Cross. But I MISS it. I MISS it.

Yet when any deep thought DOES sneak through, I end up thinking this way:

You say you hate the actions of hypocrites, but you don't confront them. You say your heart breaks for hungry children, but you don't feed them. You say you won't settle, but you HAVE settled. You say it's not about YOU, but every time you get your feelings hurt, you announce to yourself that you're leaving the ministry and heading back to Payless. You say you don't value Sunday mornings compared to the rest of what the Church is, but you spend up to 60 hours a week devoted to it. You say you want to spend more time reading the Bible and praying. You say you want to get into shape. You say you want to learn to dance. You say you want to help your church be so much more than it is.

You say. *I* say. I say a lot of things. To myself, that is. But after I say I don't THINK, not like I used to. I don't fight and demand and pick apart and beat my body to make it my slave. Because it's easier to admit how tired I am, to climb into my PJs at 6:30 at night and blog about my cat.