Addendum to "Of Rice and Men"

To answer Hannie's question (and the concerns of Jilly-Face):

We added in fruits (which we can munch on between meals) and vegetables (which we only use WITH the rice) to make this something that isn't so dangerous and allow this to be something that we can do long term. I also drink a small glass of skim milk every day and we both take a multi-vitamin. This wasn't meant to be an exercise in understanding starvation (I don't believe that hurting our bodies in that way serves a grand enough purpose that it would balance the ill effects)--- it was only meant to be something to make us more mindful of the plight of others, and free up some resources to HELP others.

We could probably get enough calories from rice to not die (since we've said we can eat as much as we want), but because we are both exercising as well (Paul to lose weight, and myself on doctor's orders to lower my ridiculously high cholesterol), well, we're trying to find the SAFE way to do this.

This is only week one. I imagine that if it continues much longer, which I believe Paul will want it to and I do as well, it will morph many times. We've already agreed that if we do stop down the road, we're going to take one day a week and have JUST rice, to remind ourselves every week.

My hope is that this exercise, beyond what it is already doing, will help both Paul and I be more mindful of what our bodies NEED versus what they WANT. I'm terrible at giving in to Paul with the frozen pizzas and the chili and the snacks that not only are bad for us, but are an incredible waste of money that could be invested in helping others.

Anyway, I'm rambling. (Rice-brain, probably.) This is only the beginning of the journey; I'm sure I'll have more to report in the future.

PS - The other day we were shopping and Paul was looking at coffee. He turned to me and said something to the effect of "We should look for fair-trade coffee." I didn't say much in that moment, but "my heart was strangely warmed".

Of Rice and Men

My husband, after some reading he was doing and after HC's message at Beulah, wanted to gain some more perspective about the plight of the very poor. So for the last week, we ate nothing but rice, fruit and vegetables, and intended to give what we saved on our grocery bill toward the world food crisis. And he wants to do it for quite some time.

I'm taking the weekend off - I've already lost too much weight doing this, and I need to load up on calories (did you know that one box of PC Mac and Cheeze is 1200 calories, prepared? LUNCH!). He is also going to introduce a few foods for the weekend, to add back some variety so that Monday, when it's back to "the usual", it hits us all over again.

Because we HAVE been hit. We've learned a lot. Here are some things that have hit me most:

1. Imagine a mother cooking a meal for her kids that she knows will not be what they want, and that it will not satisfy them.
2. imagine a mother having to tell her hungry children that there is no more, that they will have to wait until tomorrow --- having to CHOOSE to ration what they have to make it last.
3. Imagine having to eat what there is --- never enough calories and energy provided --- and then walk for miles to get water that may or may not be sanitary. Would you have to limit your activity so that you wouldn't need as many calories?

Once or twice a day I decide I can't do it --- that I need to have a real meal. I rationalize and I scheme. Thankfully, and definitely surprisingly, it's my husband who says "no" and helps me continue. I'm very proud of him right now. Very proud. This is really the first time I've felt him tangibly connect with the issues that I'm so passionate about. And I wonder, in the back of my mind, where all this might lead.

Toast, barring a miracle of God

As in, I will BE toast.

I am exhausted. I came over to Saint John on the boat Tuesday (where I missed my nap because the boat wasn't rough enough), spent a usual late night Mao-ing it up with the Youngs, woke the next day and had a busy day (missed by nap again), spoke at Mugs grad that night, and stayed up late again. Thursday was up early to play Caylus (well, I've been getting up at 7 every day --- the game didn't start 'til 8:30) with Gracie and Dan, then the bustle of getting the Youngs packed and sent off to Caton's. Then I did Exalt prep all afternoon (and yes, missed my nap). Lynnette came over. Late night of playing Mario I on the Wii. Up early the next day for Exalt prep again, and to the Myerseses for overnight (was in bed by 11, but still missed my nap). Adventures and general ridiculousness at the Myerseses 'til 3 this afternoon. Exalt prep, then, FINALLY, a nap. But it helped not a bit.

And Exalt hasn't even started yet! So, I will be toast, barring a miracle of God.

Movies I saw this trip and enjoyed: Yentl (Barbra Steisand; I hated the end and it bugged me that Mandy Patinkin was in the movie but didn't sing!) and Court Jester (with a young Angela Landsbury and the mother from Mary Poppins; like a subtle (and clean) Monty Python, with more singing).

What to do, what to do...

I am all about supporting worthy causes. Every once in awhile it occurs to me that I am donating with money that's not really mine, since Paul and I are ridiculously in debt (student loans, car loan, credit cards, etc.), but frankly, I don't care. God has been faithful to provide - we are making our payments, so big whip.

Today this global food crisis is getting to me like nothing ever has before. I can't do enough. I've already committed to cutting back on our own grocery bill so we can put money toward helping. I cut down our phone and satellite services to basic when I finished at my job, but decided to keep it that way (satellite will eventually go altogether, as soon as I can talk my husband into that. Internet would be gone too, but we both need it for our work/volunteering). There's things I want, some things that I have wanted for a long time, but I'm doing my best to talk myself out of all unnecessary purchases so that I'm freed up to give. I still slip up, but with God's help, I'm doing much better to live with integrity in this area. I'm going to start borrowing things I only need temporarily, and yard sale-ing for things I need for longer. No more buying books --- that's what the library is for. No more buying gifts --- making donations in people's names (and asking them to do the same for Paul and I rather than giving us gifts) is what I feel compelled to do. I still need to deal better with the eating out issue, but considering I can't eat anything good (i.e. greasy) when eating out anyway, that helps a lot.

But it's not enough. I understand the principle of "once you've done all you can, help other's to do the same", but I don't know how to do that. I mean, I DO know, but... Well, for example, right now there's a group from our church raising money for a missions trip to the Ukraine. So wouldn't it be wrong of me to launch some major fundraising compaign that would run in competition to that (whether it was meant to or not) or any of the other very worthy causes around here?

I know, I know, there's lots to go around. But still.

And what about supporting other "worthy causes"? Is it right to donate money to the Girl Guides or to a missions team or to the humane organization I volunteer for or support someone in some kind of Run for Life event when I could be using that money to donate toward the global food crisis? Should I be buying my foster kid from El Salvador that big birthday gift I had planned? People are hungry, and dying, and the world is in turmoil, perhaps moreso than ever before.

What to do, what to do...

What about you? What, if anything, do you feel compelled to do? What do you wish you could do?

It makes it so much easier that I don't have kids --- gracious, how do you go about balancing a compassionate heart with wanting the very, very best in comfort and happiness for a family? --- and that I have a husband that doesn't question where our money goes (he's happy as long as he has enough for Tim Horton's coffee and frozen taquitos). I'd love to hear from a few of you who have a family and feel torn in this sort of thing.

Before I loved Jesus, I was so burdened by the state of the world. I'm so greatful that God is in control, and that he does not burden, but CHALLENGES us to be his hands and feet. Because I hate what I see happening in the world. But I love a challenge.

Practice

My Person and another dear friend and I have gotten into the practice of "Practicing Community". Those of you in evangelical circles have heard this language, no doubt, and would have an idea of what I mean.

This started when one evening we were playing Dutch Blitz and the topic of "authentic community" came up. We defined it --- honesty, accountability, the idea of "if you have anything against your brother leave your offering"; essentially the idea of doing life together as the Body of Christ in the way that the Bible seems to indicate God has created us to do, for our own good and for Kingdom good. And after the defining process, we pondered how on earth one would go about it. Not that we didn't recognize the benefits. But considering the church does NOT currently operate like that, it would essentially need to be grandfathered in. And does that ever work? This isn't a program, after all. This is changing the way we relate to people, which perhaps might be simple enough in theory, except that it would also involve changing the way THEY relate to US.

But despite our bafflement, that night we embarked on the project of "Practicing Community" with one another. And when I say "practice", I mean it in the sense that we were PRACTICING like an athelete or a musician practices. Trying it out. Giving ourselves permission to suck and get better.

I will share more on this in the future, but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed to be a part of this project. I have learned so much about myself (and about how I am not unique or alone in my struggles... what a relief!) and about the freedom that comes from not having to second guess myself, because I am in community with people who have pledged to be honest with me about how they are feeling. If I feel like I have offended one of them, it is my responsibility to immediately make that right. If I have been offended, the same thing. If I am struggling, it is my responsibility to not struggle alone, but to seek accountability and help. And it is their responsibility to do that to the best of their ability, so I don't have to feel guilty about imposing, or feel alone. If I am lying to myself, they are there to tell me, not coddle me. But still to love me. Gracious.

Not that we've got it all figured out. PRACTICE. It's okay to get it wrong when you have pledged to be honest and forgive mistakes. For me, my current area of practice is learning to speak the TRUTH in love boldly (which I have little trouble with with my Community) while being careful to distinguish that from speaking my OPINION in love, which should not be done so boldly. And, of course, learning how speaking the TRUTH to my Community must be altered to speak truth in love to other brothers and sisters in Christ. Because my Community knows me and is learning to understand my personality, to recognize that if I speak forcefully it reflects that I love and care forcefully. So how DOES that translate into people that don't know me as intimately?

Anyway, I don't know why I'm so amazed to be so fulfilled by something God intended all along, that he wrote down 2000 years ago. But I am. Amazed and fulfilled and blessed beyond measure.

What about you? Have you seen this or experienced this?

Grey's had lost me for awhile.

House was just so much better. I took Grey's off my "favourite TV shows" on Facebook and everything.

Remind me to put it back on.

UnBELIEVABLE. I wish the series was over, because it was just too perfect, and I can't see it ever being better. My only regret is that I can never watch it for the first time again.

In light of recent events...

...I am understandably angry.

Thousands die. Upwards of a million need aid. And yesterday I bought an ice cream cone.

If I wasn't married to a man who doesn't share my passion for fixing the world, I'd be gone. In fact, I'd probably be dead by now, having taken a stupid risk to save a few people. I'm glad Paul and I are married, though, because while I have a passion, I also feel like I have a call: to work on the home front to help (and mobilize others to help) raise up socially conscious, compassionate children and teens (who would otherwise be in danger of not only giving in totally to their innate selfishness, but of never learning to dream that their selfLESSness could make any significant impact) that will some day effect change on a much wider scale than I ever could. Being "stuck" with Paul keeps me from being a flight risk.

But the need to act NOW is tough to deal with. It's good, though, because it makes me think about how OTHERS must feel. Not everyone that bought an ice cream cone yesterday is unfeeling and uncaring about the state of the world. They just don't know what to do about it. I'm praying that God will reveal something to me that will lead to the deployment of many ice cream eaters.

Especially those who, like me, are understandably angry.

Things that happened recently while I was (or should have been) in bed

1. I read some letters that Heather Kloosterman-Smid and Meghan MacKinnon and also the Composite Three wrote to me when I was in high school. Many I recycled because I have absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Most I chuckled at regardless. Some I saved because I just couldn't part with them. Dana, I'm sorry I was too young to realize how special our friendship was.

2. I spoke with Dan Young via Facebook, and we came to an understanding regarding the letter "I" and the word "EYE", and how they might be interchanged in some circumstances to aid comprehension.

3. I spoke to Lynnette via phone. I want her to visit over Easter.

4. I played Rock Band (see #9 to know why this was stupid).

5. I cleaned using Melaleuca products that I ordered and which arrived Wednesday at my door. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off any time soon, because suddenly these products have made cleaning seem fun, so I've done a lot of it. While I should have been in bed, of course.

6. My husband drove me to work, and I felt like I was on a roller coaster, which I hate. (He was driving the speed limit.)

7. I went to work.

8. I DIDN'T go to work, because my boss let me stay in bed. She's super.

9. I didn't watch TV. TV has moving images, and the world is already seeming to move on its own.

10. I paid bills online, and changed preferences on my Aliant account.

11. I watched a lot of House online (though more listened then watched - see #9).

12. I smelled spring, and french fries. These odours are complimentary.

13. I played a lot of Scrabulous.

14. I saw Betty Weatherby. She's across the street at Esther's.

15. I realized how much of my student loan I still owe, and vowed to pay it off post haste now that I figured out how to pay lump sums through online banking. Sheesh.

16. I didn't drink enough water.