"Among some talk of you and me..."

So I've been thinking a lot recently...

2009-01-08T19:57:00.002-05:00

...about the principle of living what you believe (and the converse reasoning of "if you're not living it, you don't really believe it"). And as such I have been considering what it means to live humanely.

I am planning to take the online MOGO ("Most Good") seminar from humaneeducation.org in the month of February (http://www.humaneeducation.org/sections/view/mogo), and I'm really excited about it. I can't think of anything more God-honouring than living a life that embodies my values (which are Christian values), and I know it's time to step up.

It says in James that "if you know the good and don't do it, you sin." In other words, you are held accountable for what you know. And I have chosen to be a learner, which means that I am going to be held accountable for a lot. But I like a challenge, and I like to feel challenged the way I have recently. So I'm looking forward to finding the tools to live what I believe not just about God, but about my responsibility as a child of God towards my own self, my physical neighbour, my global neighbour, animals and the earth.

I believe that I am called to lead others in "the Way" as I follow Christ, but I must first follow, so for the next season I plan to focus on following instead of leading.

Step one for me is a decision to explore the vegan lifestyle. I can't say that I believe animal cruelty is wrong and be an advocate for companion animals but not other animals. I don't have a problem with eating meat or eggs or using animals for clothing etc., but I DO have a problem with what these industries have been built into and the way they treat the animals. I have also been studying the terrible effects that meat and poultry and dairy have on our health because of the way the animals are doped up to over-produce.

It will be an easy switch for me --- I'm one of those people that eats pretty much the same thing every day and never gets bored of it. There are only a few things I would need to cut out and lots of things I can add it. For example, today I put tofu in my pasta sauce, and it rocked! I'm looking forward to meeting with my doctor in February and getting an appointment with a nutritionist to make sure that I'm getting what I need. I'm looking forward to helping my body heal itself through my choices. I'm looking forward to being able to say with all integrity that my lifestyle reflects my belief that cruelty to animals is a reflection of a heart not surrendered to God, and as an act of worship I will not be a part of it.

So yeah. I've been thinking a lot recently.

McMillenisms

2008-10-12T19:35:00.002-05:00

I found this recently on my computer. It is a listing of things that one of our Bethany professors said that made me laugh, in or out of context. I don't remember if this was from one class, one year, or a grand collection, but here it is for the enjoyment of my BBC compatriots. Mr. McMillen is truly a good man who I have a lot of respect for. And, of course, I have great memories of the random and sarcastic things he said :)

ABOUT MR. McMILLEN

“Lord, give me the gift of singleness.”
“I am acting like a fool, but you’re forcing me to do it.”
“Not having been beheaded, I’m not sure how it feels.”
“I’m a great teacher. Come listen to me.”
“I really don’t know the full history of paper.”
“Me, I prefer to watch Murder, She Wrote.”
“Yes, I agree. Anything goes.”
“I’m just special.”
“I’m not Jesus, you see.”
“I was raised to say that the “Y” is silent.”
“I’m bread. Eat me. Start chomping on my ears. Forget what Greg has to offer.”
“I embody truth.”
“Am I really a Christian?”
“I get anachronistic every now and then.”
“I don’t have an address.”
“I’m fighting God? Oops! That’s not good!”
“I know, I’m an atheist.”
“I can’t talk today.”
“That leaves... ME. Period.”
“I don’t know the history of Christianity on Crete.”
“I don’t know why Paul was wearing an apron.”
“For some reason I did a whole course of suicide. It wasn’t a how-to course.”
“I tend not to revel in great trials.”
“I can’t blame Peter if I’m having trouble.”
“I just randomly went to the Ouija board and came up with some letters.”

SIMPLE TRUTH - “I think that’s good theology.”

“There’s no need to look elsewhere for fullness. You can’t get fuller than full.”
“Throw your Old Testaments away.”
“There’s some hair removal going on here. That much we know.”
“You don’t have to be a rocket scientist. You just have to know Greek.”
“We might be talking about a feather.”
“All angels are green and travel in little spaceships.”
“There are no ducks on the board.”
“Cannibalism is the secret to salvation.”
“That’s expediency, and that’s okay.”
“That’s dying for some other reason quite different than Christ as a matter of fact.”
“Well, they both start with C and they both have R’s in them.”
“It’s doable. Do it.”
“The gravity pulled the gospel down.”
“Maybe we don’t even need Jesus or something.”
“If they don’t, then you do.”
“He’s with, which is out, not in... So coming in can be described as a with... That’s God’s math.”
“Children kept getting born.”
“All babies are small in stature.”
“Who does that? God does that!”
“Second Peter is a whole other kettle of fish.”
“Peter had a vision of a sheet with all kinds of eccentric and delectable items on it.”
“God will take all your enemies and melt them.”

ALL ABOUT US

“A demon is controlling you.”
“Look, you incestuous character!”
“I don’t know why somebody didn’t kill him.”
“Did I hear a voice of heresy?”
“I know you desperately want any date you can get... Some for different reasons than others.”
“Don’t feel you need to cancel [your plans] because of 1 Cor. 7.”
“Just because you’re a toenail doesn’t mean you’re not important.”
“I don’t mean to insult you in the process.”
“Yes, you are a sinner.”
“You’d better pay attention to what you heard, not to all the garbage that’s coming at you now.”
“I know you’ll be delighted to be exposed to some heresy.”
“Yeah, wrap your mind around THAT.”
“If you want to open the tomb... Well, anyway...”
“You killed Jesus! How dare you!?”
“That wasn’t quite appropriate!”
“You bought into this garbage from these poor deluded fisherman.”
“Don’t anybody quit just because Paul didn’t go to Bethany.”
“I don’t know how you would respond if some demon possessed guy or gal said “listen!””
“I hope you do, too.”
“I do want you to know that there’s some Biblical evidence for some of these points.”
“That’s an important text to keep in mind if JW’s knock at your door.”
“How are we going to get any sleep with all THAT going on??”
“In a 50 minute class period, 32 Christians are martyred. Add 15 more minutes and you’re all gone.”
“You’re just bubbling over with great joy.”
“Are we encouraged yet?”

SOLID THEOLOGY (heresy?)

“Certainly forgiveness. Who needs that? We’re all fine and wonderful!”
“The god of our world...Well, let’s see. There’s several.”
“[Mark was the] First streaker...”
“Life and death... people just fluctuated between the two.”
“He’s saying this BEFORE he’s killed.”
“Why would God give a law if the law’s garbage?”
“Peter punched his lights out. Branded him a heretic.”
“He decided Timothy should go to hell, so he had him circumcised.”
“The demons won that one.”
“Titus is THE MAN.”

QUALIFIERS AND CONNECTORS FOR BUILDING YOUR OWN HERESY
“And speaking of monks making copies...”
“I thought I’d throw that in just to accent the point.”
“Oh well. Rip that out of the Bible now.”
“Look at that. Look at that.”
“No, that’s a prophesy.”
“That’s a good word for any believer, anywhere, at any time.”
“You probably DO know, but just a little refresher.”
“That’s not the kind of stuff we like to read for our devotions. Maybe we SHOULD.”
“It’s a strong message focused on truth.”
“Oh, it’s so hard to tell! Was it through God, or through alcohol?”
“Sometimes it will be shocking.”
“This isn’t somebody who just fell off a turnip truck.”
“It might be helpful to look at the following information.”
“That’s what I think happened...among other things.”
“And I don’t recall if Stott mentions this at all.”
“How should I word this?... NO.”
“One does want to keep in mind the full context.”
“...Looks like, acts like, feels like.. Whatever.”
“I haven’t had a word from heaven on that so I think I have free reign.”
“That is no the image one is trying to portray as on e shares the gospel.”
“If you take all that literally, it’s pretty hard to say.”

On fire like a peasant.

2008-10-02T13:24:00.002-05:00

An update:

My sister Tammy had a baby recently, and it's been difficult for me to process from the standpoint of what IS and what COULD have been. As many of you know, Tammy is my birth sister, and I only met her for the first time less than a year ago. If things had been different, I would have been there, because that's what sisters do. As it is, she's a stranger to me. (And yet I love her; how does one love a stranger?) Anyway, I am an aunt, again -- this is #6 for nieces, two of whom I've yet to meet. I need to get on that; this is ridiculous.

My Person Jill also had a baby, and she's perfect.

I've been limiting my reading lately to the Harry Potter series and I've just reached the last book. I think the 6th has been my favourite so far because obviously the movie isn't out yet, so I got to experience the suspense. I'll be happy when I'm finished because I've found myself using expressions like "blimey!" and "bloody hell!" and "ruddy" in general conversation.

Our cat count is up to five: Emma (ours), Pajamas (ours), Emma (rescue), Cinnamon (rescue), and now little Reyes, who was live-trapped right before the recent hurricane. I've discovered that once you've made it to four, extras don't seem to matter that much. We're overcrowded, but they're all cute; Reyes is a darling. I have high hopes that after next week's adoption fair at our church's community carnival, a few will be leaving us. Finally.

I travelled to Indianapolis for a meeting with the Campus Challenge committee last week. People, if you're a pastor or youth pastor at a Wesleyan church that's not too too far from Bethany, please tell your kids about Campus Challenge. Seriously. Because helping them prepare for their education and encouraging them to attend a Wesleyan school is important. So please, tell them. And if you're coming to Encounter (nee Booster), it's happening during that weekend. So. Tell your kids. If you have questions, ask me, or visit http://www.bbc.ca/encounter/challenge.html. THANKS :) While I was on my trip I went to IWU to see Graham and my sweet Abby Jones, and it was magical.

My health recently has been the pits. But I'm alive and breathing and don't have a fatal condition, so I don't care a bit. As long as I can speak and type I can contribute, so I'm happy with that.

I don't like having too many TV shows on the go, but with satellite time shifting I can catch most of my programs late at night (like, 10) so nothing interferes with life. Grey's and Private Practice both hit home runs with their season premieres, so they're here to stay. The Office as well. House not so much, but I'm going to watch it anyway because I know it CAN be good. And I'm going to stick with The Mentalist to see where it's headed. After the first episode of CSI, I'm done with it again (I stopped watching when Sara left). And I like Ghost Whisperer, but don't tell anyone, because it's ridiculous.

Our youth night is called six:fortyfive. It starts at 7. Everyone is late here for everything, so if they think it starts at 6:45 they'll be on time.

Life has been pretty reactive lately. I think I'm in a rut. I look forward to having the will to be proactive again, and I'm hoping that I will get the funding to work with the animal shelter society so that my pent-up creativity will have a ready-made outlet and will spill out into other areas of my life that should be important to me.

I just played Peasants Quest from start to finish (using the cheat notes on the Internet) and I won but was burninated because Trogdor is, it turns out, invincible.

I have many questions about life recently. Last night I decided it was very important for me to know how honey is made by bees. And how records work. It's all very mindblowing. I'm going to look it up today.

Speaking of bees, I'm also watching Pushing Daisies, which had a solid premiere.

Now I am going to eat French fries.

John Symonds is MY hero

2008-09-16T15:00:00.002-05:00

I don't know how I could have missed this; it has mostly people I know, so it must have been not long after I graduated. But gracious. Classic.

Irresistable Revolution

2008-08-14T15:45:00.002-05:00

"Ask the poor. They will tell you who the Christians are." - Gandhi

I'm one of many, no doubt, who have read this book by Shane Claiborne and wondered what to do about it. I haven't even read the whole thing; I'm stuck on chapter 6, and don't want to move past it.

My current paragraph of "stuckness": "Simplicity is meaningful only inasmuch as it is grounded in love, authenic relationships, and interdependence. Redistribution then springs naturally out of our rebirth, from a vision of family that is larger than biology or nationalism. As we consider what it means to be "born again"...we must ask what it means to be born against into a family in which our brothers and sisters are starving to death. Then we begin to see why rebirth and redistribution are inextricably bound up in one another... It also beomes scandalous for the church to spend money on windows and buildings when some family members don't even have water. Welcome to the dysfunctional family of Yahweh."

I learned as much as I could from the rice diet, which has since been abandoned but I will probably return to several times a year to RELEARN the valuable lessons of simplicity and empathy. It was a really good jumping point to getting stuck on chapter 6, though, where it is pointed out that "rather than being bound up by how much stuff we need to buy, we can get enslaved to how simply we must live."

The Bible says that "Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none." (Luke 3:11) It is so easy for us to say, "I don't know anyone that has no shirt." My newest question is, what do I have to do so this is no longer the case? What is my responsibility? Jesus said that the poor would always be among us. Shane Claiborne suggests that this wasn't just a descriptive statement, but was pointing to one the fundamental tasks of the church, and that if the poor are NOT among us, we are not in the right place.

Forgive us, Father. You've told us EXACTLY what we are to do, but we've spent so much time asking "What does this mean?" that we've stopped looking at Scripture and asking "What can I obey?" We've insulated ourselves from the plain truth of Scripture by making everything so complicated that was never intended to be.

God solved the problem of poverty ages ago by setting up the system of Jubilee; this is something that only recently came to my attention, and it is SO intriguing to me. We don't have a right to ask, "Why does God allow poverty?" because frankly he did his bit --- the Israelites just never carried it out. But the principles remain. So what do we do?

"Folks always say the Israelites never fully lived out the Jubilee. But... Ched Mysers says, "That's no excuse to ignore God's commands. That's like saying we don't need to worry about the Sermon on the Mount since Christians have never fully practiced it."" (Irresistable Revolution, Pg. 171)

Read this carefully

2008-08-12T19:23:00.004-05:00

Of all of the things I've read recently, this is by far the most compelling. This is from the rule packet for the game "Tichu", a card game I don't know how to play properly, but do so enjoy reading the rules for. If this doesn't make you want to play it, you have no sense of humour. This is not the exact wording of the rules including in the English game --- it is a rough translation directly from the German. Enjoy!:

------
We thank Mr Chuang for everything. Tour leader, German language section, Nanking (Nanjing). Highly recommended. He knows everything. Lengths of bridges, meaning of Buddhas, number of lorries in the province. On request also meaning of bridges, number of Buddhas and length of lorries. Some monument with five goats and a heap of 38 resistance fighters is the landmark of the town. Or perhaps only three goats and 58 figthers - anyway, there are basically more fighters than goats. And to tell the truth - that stuff about landmarks could also be said of Canton (Guangzhou) or Wuhan. But in Nanking there stood a thousand Buddha temple - the area most certainly has a landmark.

Yes, Mr Chuang is an outstanding tour guide. He casts his own Nanking aside into the Yang Tze and leads us into an unknown land: a rock concert, a psychiatric clinic and a private audience with magician. Only with the game was he not so outstanding. Naturally he knows them - he knows everything. Yet the strange card game which the people are playing everywhere in all the parks and squares seems to be frowned upon. Again and again he lures us away from the knots of people. The game is not to be explained.

Tichu is not to be explained

(If we had believed that there would be no rules with this pack. But we brought Mr Chuang round. He drummed up a game in the backroom of the souvenir shop of the Confucian temple. At first we were only allowed to watch. Then we played and the Chinese experts gave us good advice. A first rate introduction to the game, by the way. We recommend this method of learning most warmly.)

-----
Another of my favourite parts (there are many) is the following; it comes from a variation of the actual game: "The objecttive of the game does not exist. It is all for fun. At any rate the Great Lord should be able to enjoy unrestrictedly all privileges and comforts of the house (a cup of tea, a little dance performance, a parasol, choice of TV channel, even the desire to continue this lordly game for another round) "

If you are a player of this game, please let me know! I have questions! For the rest of the rules, visit: http://www.fatamorgana.ch/tichu/Tichu_english.html

Why I don't like myself on T.V.

2008-07-26T16:38:00.002-05:00

Not ON T.V. --- I mean ON, as in "on drugs".

In my lifetime, I've had several television loves, which have fulfilled different purposes and filled different holes as needed. My interests were chronically romantic --- it wouldn't matter what the show was about; if I was watching it, I was doing so for the relationships. While the Grey's Anatomy type shows which are all about relationships are good for a quick fix, I find I'm more drawn to the House type shows where all a gal can do is hope.

X-Files was my show of choice for years while in high school. My best friends and I shared an obsession, and really our obsession fueled our friendships. So in that way, it was good. In every other way, it was a waste of time.

I'm not against recreational TV watching, within limits (though as I'm starting to question the nature of our economy, I'm developing a philosophical beef with the entertainment industry which I haven't fully developed or internalized enough to change my own consumption. More on that will no doubt follow). But I AM against what it does to those of us who are prone to such obsession. Go on the Internet and hit any kind of comment board about a current hit show and you'll see it: thousands of people who if their passions were directed toward the real world could change everything, but instead who are settling for the lesser, vicarious thrill of ready-made adventure and drama.

My husband and I are going through the X-Files on DVD right now, and sometimes I catch those feelings coming back. I find it's not a big deal when watching completed series on DVD, because there's no week-long or summer waits to find out what's next, and when it's over, it's over. But with the X-Files movie now out I find myself not wanting to see it because when I do it will mean it's all over and there's no more hope for WHATEVER it is that the stupid show is fulfilling for me.

What would change in our world if the potential for vicarious living, through books, TV, movies and video games, was removed? Would we withdraw into the stupor of the mundane and kill ourselves with boredom? Or would the need in each of us to be a part of something exciting and meaningful force us to seek it out or create it in reality?

Jody-quality service

2008-07-21T11:55:00.002-05:00

Jody works for Yarmouth Kia. Kia is all about customer service --- it's their "Thing". The written on the wall "Thing". They do it well. Jody does it best. So now when Paul and I evaluate customer service anywhere, we do so based on Jody. A few days ago a Vogue Optical employee exhibited many Jody-like qualities, so of her we said, "That was some Jody-quality service!" Mediocre service might be appraised as "Not bad, but he was no Jody." Poor service would not even deserve the invocation of Jody's name; perhaps just a shake of the head and the inner acknowledgment that Jody wouldn't tolerate such things.

So to all the Jody's out there that serve as unto the Lord, or at least as unto their own integrity which calls them to give their best in all they do, I salute you.

And I'm going to write a letter to Kia telling them so.

Addendum to "Of Rice and Men"

2008-07-19T09:41:00.003-05:00

To answer Hannie's question (and the concerns of Jilly-Face):

We added in fruits (which we can munch on between meals) and vegetables (which we only use WITH the rice) to make this something that isn't so dangerous and allow this to be something that we can do long term. I also drink a small glass of skim milk every day and we both take a multi-vitamin. This wasn't meant to be an exercise in understanding starvation (I don't believe that hurting our bodies in that way serves a grand enough purpose that it would balance the ill effects)--- it was only meant to be something to make us more mindful of the plight of others, and free up some resources to HELP others.

We could probably get enough calories from rice to not die (since we've said we can eat as much as we want), but because we are both exercising as well (Paul to lose weight, and myself on doctor's orders to lower my ridiculously high cholesterol), well, we're trying to find the SAFE way to do this.

This is only week one. I imagine that if it continues much longer, which I believe Paul will want it to and I do as well, it will morph many times. We've already agreed that if we do stop down the road, we're going to take one day a week and have JUST rice, to remind ourselves every week.

My hope is that this exercise, beyond what it is already doing, will help both Paul and I be more mindful of what our bodies NEED versus what they WANT. I'm terrible at giving in to Paul with the frozen pizzas and the chili and the snacks that not only are bad for us, but are an incredible waste of money that could be invested in helping others.

Anyway, I'm rambling. (Rice-brain, probably.) This is only the beginning of the journey; I'm sure I'll have more to report in the future.

PS - The other day we were shopping and Paul was looking at coffee. He turned to me and said something to the effect of "We should look for fair-trade coffee." I didn't say much in that moment, but "my heart was strangely warmed".

Of Rice and Men

2008-07-19T06:53:00.002-05:00

My husband, after some reading he was doing and after HC's message at Beulah, wanted to gain some more perspective about the plight of the very poor. So for the last week, we ate nothing but rice, fruit and vegetables, and intended to give what we saved on our grocery bill toward the world food crisis. And he wants to do it for quite some time.

I'm taking the weekend off - I've already lost too much weight doing this, and I need to load up on calories (did you know that one box of PC Mac and Cheeze is 1200 calories, prepared? LUNCH!). He is also going to introduce a few foods for the weekend, to add back some variety so that Monday, when it's back to "the usual", it hits us all over again.

Because we HAVE been hit. We've learned a lot. Here are some things that have hit me most:

1. Imagine a mother cooking a meal for her kids that she knows will not be what they want, and that it will not satisfy them.
2. imagine a mother having to tell her hungry children that there is no more, that they will have to wait until tomorrow --- having to CHOOSE to ration what they have to make it last.
3. Imagine having to eat what there is --- never enough calories and energy provided --- and then walk for miles to get water that may or may not be sanitary. Would you have to limit your activity so that you wouldn't need as many calories?

Once or twice a day I decide I can't do it --- that I need to have a real meal. I rationalize and I scheme. Thankfully, and definitely surprisingly, it's my husband who says "no" and helps me continue. I'm very proud of him right now. Very proud. This is really the first time I've felt him tangibly connect with the issues that I'm so passionate about. And I wonder, in the back of my mind, where all this might lead.

Toast, barring a miracle of God

2008-06-21T17:28:00.002-05:00

As in, I will BE toast.

I am exhausted. I came over to Saint John on the boat Tuesday (where I missed my nap because the boat wasn't rough enough), spent a usual late night Mao-ing it up with the Youngs, woke the next day and had a busy day (missed by nap again), spoke at Mugs grad that night, and stayed up late again. Thursday was up early to play Caylus (well, I've been getting up at 7 every day --- the game didn't start 'til 8:30) with Gracie and Dan, then the bustle of getting the Youngs packed and sent off to Caton's. Then I did Exalt prep all afternoon (and yes, missed my nap). Lynnette came over. Late night of playing Mario I on the Wii. Up early the next day for Exalt prep again, and to the Myerseses for overnight (was in bed by 11, but still missed my nap). Adventures and general ridiculousness at the Myerseses 'til 3 this afternoon. Exalt prep, then, FINALLY, a nap. But it helped not a bit.

And Exalt hasn't even started yet! So, I will be toast, barring a miracle of God.

Movies I saw this trip and enjoyed: Yentl (Barbra Steisand; I hated the end and it bugged me that Mandy Patinkin was in the movie but didn't sing!) and Court Jester (with a young Angela Landsbury and the mother from Mary Poppins; like a subtle (and clean) Monty Python, with more singing).

What to do, what to do...

2008-06-05T13:37:00.002-05:00

I am all about supporting worthy causes. Every once in awhile it occurs to me that I am donating with money that's not really mine, since Paul and I are ridiculously in debt (student loans, car loan, credit cards, etc.), but frankly, I don't care. God has been faithful to provide - we are making our payments, so big whip.

Today this global food crisis is getting to me like nothing ever has before. I can't do enough. I've already committed to cutting back on our own grocery bill so we can put money toward helping. I cut down our phone and satellite services to basic when I finished at my job, but decided to keep it that way (satellite will eventually go altogether, as soon as I can talk my husband into that. Internet would be gone too, but we both need it for our work/volunteering). There's things I want, some things that I have wanted for a long time, but I'm doing my best to talk myself out of all unnecessary purchases so that I'm freed up to give. I still slip up, but with God's help, I'm doing much better to live with integrity in this area. I'm going to start borrowing things I only need temporarily, and yard sale-ing for things I need for longer. No more buying books --- that's what the library is for. No more buying gifts --- making donations in people's names (and asking them to do the same for Paul and I rather than giving us gifts) is what I feel compelled to do. I still need to deal better with the eating out issue, but considering I can't eat anything good (i.e. greasy) when eating out anyway, that helps a lot.

But it's not enough. I understand the principle of "once you've done all you can, help other's to do the same", but I don't know how to do that. I mean, I DO know, but... Well, for example, right now there's a group from our church raising money for a missions trip to the Ukraine. So wouldn't it be wrong of me to launch some major fundraising compaign that would run in competition to that (whether it was meant to or not) or any of the other very worthy causes around here?

I know, I know, there's lots to go around. But still.

And what about supporting other "worthy causes"? Is it right to donate money to the Girl Guides or to a missions team or to the humane organization I volunteer for or support someone in some kind of Run for Life event when I could be using that money to donate toward the global food crisis? Should I be buying my foster kid from El Salvador that big birthday gift I had planned? People are hungry, and dying, and the world is in turmoil, perhaps moreso than ever before.

What to do, what to do...

What about you? What, if anything, do you feel compelled to do? What do you wish you could do?

It makes it so much easier that I don't have kids --- gracious, how do you go about balancing a compassionate heart with wanting the very, very best in comfort and happiness for a family? --- and that I have a husband that doesn't question where our money goes (he's happy as long as he has enough for Tim Horton's coffee and frozen taquitos). I'd love to hear from a few of you who have a family and feel torn in this sort of thing.

Before I loved Jesus, I was so burdened by the state of the world. I'm so greatful that God is in control, and that he does not burden, but CHALLENGES us to be his hands and feet. Because I hate what I see happening in the world. But I love a challenge.

Practice

2008-06-01T18:17:00.005-05:00

My Person and another dear friend and I have gotten into the practice of "Practicing Community". Those of you in evangelical circles have heard this language, no doubt, and would have an idea of what I mean.

This started when one evening we were playing Dutch Blitz and the topic of "authentic community" came up. We defined it --- honesty, accountability, the idea of "if you have anything against your brother leave your offering"; essentially the idea of doing life together as the Body of Christ in the way that the Bible seems to indicate God has created us to do, for our own good and for Kingdom good. And after the defining process, we pondered how on earth one would go about it. Not that we didn't recognize the benefits. But considering the church does NOT currently operate like that, it would essentially need to be grandfathered in. And does that ever work? This isn't a program, after all. This is changing the way we relate to people, which perhaps might be simple enough in theory, except that it would also involve changing the way THEY relate to US.

But despite our bafflement, that night we embarked on the project of "Practicing Community" with one another. And when I say "practice", I mean it in the sense that we were PRACTICING like an athelete or a musician practices. Trying it out. Giving ourselves permission to suck and get better.

I will share more on this in the future, but for now I will just say that I am truly blessed to be a part of this project. I have learned so much about myself (and about how I am not unique or alone in my struggles... what a relief!) and about the freedom that comes from not having to second guess myself, because I am in community with people who have pledged to be honest with me about how they are feeling. If I feel like I have offended one of them, it is my responsibility to immediately make that right. If I have been offended, the same thing. If I am struggling, it is my responsibility to not struggle alone, but to seek accountability and help. And it is their responsibility to do that to the best of their ability, so I don't have to feel guilty about imposing, or feel alone. If I am lying to myself, they are there to tell me, not coddle me. But still to love me. Gracious.

Not that we've got it all figured out. PRACTICE. It's okay to get it wrong when you have pledged to be honest and forgive mistakes. For me, my current area of practice is learning to speak the TRUTH in love boldly (which I have little trouble with with my Community) while being careful to distinguish that from speaking my OPINION in love, which should not be done so boldly. And, of course, learning how speaking the TRUTH to my Community must be altered to speak truth in love to other brothers and sisters in Christ. Because my Community knows me and is learning to understand my personality, to recognize that if I speak forcefully it reflects that I love and care forcefully. So how DOES that translate into people that don't know me as intimately?

Anyway, I don't know why I'm so amazed to be so fulfilled by something God intended all along, that he wrote down 2000 years ago. But I am. Amazed and fulfilled and blessed beyond measure.

What about you? Have you seen this or experienced this?

Grey's had lost me for awhile.

2008-05-22T22:08:00.002-05:00

House was just so much better. I took Grey's off my "favourite TV shows" on Facebook and everything.

Remind me to put it back on.

UnBELIEVABLE. I wish the series was over, because it was just too perfect, and I can't see it ever being better. My only regret is that I can never watch it for the first time again.

In light of recent events...

2008-05-14T19:48:00.002-05:00

...I am understandably angry.

Thousands die. Upwards of a million need aid. And yesterday I bought an ice cream cone.

If I wasn't married to a man who doesn't share my passion for fixing the world, I'd be gone. In fact, I'd probably be dead by now, having taken a stupid risk to save a few people. I'm glad Paul and I are married, though, because while I have a passion, I also feel like I have a call: to work on the home front to help (and mobilize others to help) raise up socially conscious, compassionate children and teens (who would otherwise be in danger of not only giving in totally to their innate selfishness, but of never learning to dream that their selfLESSness could make any significant impact) that will some day effect change on a much wider scale than I ever could. Being "stuck" with Paul keeps me from being a flight risk.

But the need to act NOW is tough to deal with. It's good, though, because it makes me think about how OTHERS must feel. Not everyone that bought an ice cream cone yesterday is unfeeling and uncaring about the state of the world. They just don't know what to do about it. I'm praying that God will reveal something to me that will lead to the deployment of many ice cream eaters.

Especially those who, like me, are understandably angry.

Things that happened recently while I was (or should have been) in bed

2008-03-06T18:00:00.002-05:00

1. I read some letters that Heather Kloosterman-Smid and Meghan MacKinnon and also the Composite Three wrote to me when I was in high school. Many I recycled because I have absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Most I chuckled at regardless. Some I saved because I just couldn't part with them. Dana, I'm sorry I was too young to realize how special our friendship was.

2. I spoke with Dan Young via Facebook, and we came to an understanding regarding the letter "I" and the word "EYE", and how they might be interchanged in some circumstances to aid comprehension.

3. I spoke to Lynnette via phone. I want her to visit over Easter.

4. I played Rock Band (see #9 to know why this was stupid).

5. I cleaned using Melaleuca products that I ordered and which arrived Wednesday at my door. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off any time soon, because suddenly these products have made cleaning seem fun, so I've done a lot of it. While I should have been in bed, of course.

6. My husband drove me to work, and I felt like I was on a roller coaster, which I hate. (He was driving the speed limit.)

7. I went to work.

8. I DIDN'T go to work, because my boss let me stay in bed. She's super.

9. I didn't watch TV. TV has moving images, and the world is already seeming to move on its own.

10. I paid bills online, and changed preferences on my Aliant account.

11. I watched a lot of House online (though more listened then watched - see #9).

12. I smelled spring, and french fries. These odours are complimentary.

13. I played a lot of Scrabulous.

14. I saw Betty Weatherby. She's across the street at Esther's.

15. I realized how much of my student loan I still owe, and vowed to pay it off post haste now that I figured out how to pay lump sums through online banking. Sheesh.

16. I didn't drink enough water.

Still happy and blessed

2008-02-21T17:23:00.000-05:00

I don't know if it's fair, and I DO know it can't be interesting, for me to just keep saying "I am still happy. I am still blessed." But there's not really much else to be said. We've been here almost 8 months, and I can't imagine ever wanting to be anywhere else. Will that change? Maybe, as I get more used to this place. But right now, I am thoroughly content.

I've made a few lists of things I love here. I will now make another. You will note overlap, but you'll just have to deal with it.

0. (I have to put a 0 because my husband was offended that he was at #7 - I told him that last was most important, but he didn't believe me.) I love my husband. See #7

1. I love my Sunday school class - Women, around my age, loving each other and talking about stuff that matters. And crying a lot, but we're women, so that's okay!

2. I love volunteering for PET Projects. This week I helped facilitate the adoption of a senior dog who would have otherwise been put down --- a WONDERFUL dog who needed a chance to be happy. And our foster cat Suki is going to HER new home tomorrow. And I'm making so many new connections with people. I LOVE it.

3. I love driving to work and driving home. The view is absolutely amazing.

4. I love my job - my funding has been extended again, plus I've cut back my hours because of my health, so I will probably be there forever before I get all my contracted hours in. Longest summer job I've ever had :)

5. I love Smart Pasta. Praise the Lord.

6. I love my neighbour - and sometimes I think I MIGHT just be able to beat her at Scrabulous.

7. I love my husband. He doesn't put up with my crap, but instead of beating me up about being an idiot, he just loves me instead. (My husband has pointed out that "doesn't that mean I DO put up with your crap?") He doesn't always remember to put out the garbage, but he's still a swell guy :)

That's the condensed list. #8 would be my Person Jill, but she's in Florida right now, so I both miss her and hate her. :)

A concern I have, and my Lenton fast

2008-02-10T13:36:00.000-05:00

This is not meant to be a rant or start a rant, please understand. And I know I am not in a position to judge people simply because the way the school system is set up played to my strengths and ability to learn, therefore placing me at an (unfair?) advantage over some others in certain areas. I'm just concerned, that's all, about the inability(?) of many individuals to effectively express themselves in writing.

I don't mean those who choose to "simplify" their writing style to be concise or trendy; I am prone to emoticons and "lol"ing myself (though I can't bring myself to sacrifice things like proper capitalization for the sake of expediency). But it is SHOCKING to me the number of Facebook posts I have seen that reflect a very poor grasp of the basics of the English language. And I'm not just talking about an obvious haste and lack of editing that can lead to typos and left out words, or the mixing up of some of the particulars, like whether a period is placed inside or outside the bracket; I'm guilty of that, too, on occasion. ( And, in fact, when I was just spelling "occasion" I spelled it wrong (added an extra "s") and was corrected by the built-in spellchecker. Maybe I should be harder on myself for that, because most certainly I've misspelled (misspelled that word, too) that word before and perhaps I've become a little lazy relying on spellcheck to catch my little "oops" es.) and while I think those things are important, it's not keeping me up at night. I'm talking about sentences and words and paragraphs being so mangled that they can, at times, be barely recognizable as English.

I just wonder if a few decades ago people would have been too embarrassed to express themselves in writing if their knowledge only allowed them to do so at the level that is ignored or tolerated or even flaunted today. I don't begrudge people the right to express themselves, and I understand that since so much of our lives are now focused on the written word because of technology, it's inevitable that those that don't excel in that area would still need to put themselves out there in print. But what it reveals about where society is going (or maybe has always been but it just hasn't been as evident 'til now) is a concern.

Speaking as a youth worker who spends far too much time trying to "decode" messages from my kids, I think it's a VALID concern. These kids SHOULD know how to write at a reasonable level - they SHOULD have been given the tools. I don't expect them to become journalists or novelists, but they SHOULD be able to construct a sentence and spell in ways that are at least PHONETICALLY sound, if not always 100% correct... shouldn't they? Shouldn't they know the difference between "here" and "hear"? Shouldn't they know how to use a comma or a semi-colon? Shouldn't they know that most words are NOT spelled with a backslash?

So where do we lay the blame, so that reform can begin? The school system? The Internet? The parents? The kids? I don't know. I'm just concerned. Generations from now, will people even be able to read "correctly" written documents? Or will the language have so changed that they only understand the "mess" that plagues our message boards today?

And now, on to Lent. I have decided to fast from "Extras" and "Excesses" this season. I'm still fleshing out exactly what that will entail, but essentially I'm going to not eat out when I COULD eat at home, and not pay extra for three-ply when 2-ply will work just as good. And I'm going to TRY to apply that to media as well - I can watch TV when there's something on I'm planning to see (ex. House), but I want to stop just having the TV on for something to do. And go on Facebook to send and receive messages, but not waste time randomly looking people up. We'll see how it goes.

I'm starting Lent a little late, I know, but I actually forgot about it until I was reminded by Liz's blog (thanks, Liz!). Are you observing Lent this year? And if so, what are you giving up?

The Pros and Cons of Foster Parenting

2008-01-31T20:31:00.000-05:00

I volunteer with an organization called "PET Projects" (petprojects.petfinder.com), which is a part of the Beulah Berman Memorial Animal Shelter Society. I am their webmaster, and also a foster parent. The shelter exists but has been closed due to lack of funding. While they work to figure out how to get the funds to reopen it, foster parenting has allowed us to still take in animals that need homes. Here are the pros and cons of this system, as I see them.

CONS:
1. All of the animals are not in a central location, so no one can simply walk through the shelter and see an animal that they simply "MUST" take home...
2. There are only so many foster homes - we often have to turn animals away.
3. Being so spread out makes administration more of a chore, and so can be harder on the volunteers.
4. Foster parents get attached to the animals, and then cry when they leave (Well, maybe that's just me)

PROS:
1. Animals are not in cages waiting for homes - they are IN homes being socialized and trained and, most importantly, loved
2. Foster parents have a vested interest in seeing a pet find a home, and will work harder to see that happen.
3. How fun is it to get a batch of kittens to enjoy, then find them homes before they get old and not-as-cute, only to get ANOTHER batch of kittens? :)

We've had two batches of kittens now (the last kitten from this batch is going tomorrow - he's leaning against my arm sleeping as I write this), but as much fun as they were to have around, I found finding Mattie a home to be much more satisfying. I've probably already blogged about him, but Mattie was living in an old car and had been homeless for at least a year (being fed by a nice couple who couldn't take him in but wanted to help all they could). He was a big boy, and so beautiful, but older and beat up and scarred. Such a sweetheart - I loved him very much. But I assumed it would be almost impossible to find a home for him because of his age.

So when he went to his new home, it was an awesome feeling. I wish more people would be willing to adopt older cats. But at the same time, I understand why you would want a kitten --- jeepers, I LOVE having kittens here all the time! But all cats were once kittens, and they deserve homes. Would YOU adopt an older cat?

Anyway, this kitty has the right idea - time for sleep.

Meet my family

2008-01-25T19:22:00.000-05:00

I have a big brother named Dan. He's a pastor in Truro, and plays lots of instruments, just like me. He's got a wife and three kids. I haven't met him yet, or his family. But I will.

I have a big sister named Tammy, whom I'm so proud to be related to. She's strong and smart and gifted. And she loves teens, just like me. I can see so much of myself in her, and that scares me, because I'm afraid that will make it hard for us to get close to each other. And I really want to. She has a husband and a baby on the way in September. I hope I will get to be a part of his or her life.

I have a big brother named Tim, whom I love already; I think I loved him from the moment I met him. He has a huge heart and even though I've only just begun to know him, I find that I miss him in a way I can't begin understand. His wife Erin was so quick to reach out to me, and welcomed me into their home and life like I belonged there. And that has made all the difference; I am so grateful. My niece Ana is beautiful and hilarious and articulate and it hurts me that she lives so far away and I can't watch her grow up. My niece Addison makes me melt, and it amazes me that this little person will grow up to know me as her "aunt", and her daddy's sister. I never thought I would know that feeling.

I have another brother out there somewhere, who I will probably never know, and who the others don't know either. But that's okay. For now.

I have a father out there somewhere who did a bad and violent thing, and because of that bad and violent thing, I came into the world. They didn't catch him, so I will never know him.

And I had a mother who thought of me often, who as I understand it was haunted by the secret of my birth. She kept it from everyone, even her closest friend. She revealed it, only because she had no choice when confronted with the evidence, to my sister Tammy who sought me out; my brothers didn't know I existed until after I'd been found. I wish I could have told her that she had done the right thing. I wish I could have thanked her and reassured her.

But God's timing is perfect. Of this, I have no doubt.

I am awesome

2008-01-25T19:07:00.000-05:00

My cholesterol has dropped another point! I'm now at 5.6, and that's just with diet! SO, no medication for me! I need to start exercising, and then maybe I'll get into a "healthy" range. But 5.6! I am TOTALLY awesome. I have my results copied and hanging on my wall at work --- even my doctor said I should frame it and show it off to the world.

Here's a light update, to be followed by my "news" in another post:

1. I went to Ontario for 10 days after Christmas, and it was nice. I bought my mom a hamster, and she named him "Salvador". In Ontario, there was but dial-up, and I mourned. I knew in theory what "dial-up" meant, but to LIVE it... I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

2. Still working, 'til at least the end of February, and probably mid-March. Of course, I have a whole week on Ontario-vacation to make up, so after I'm done, I still have to work. But that is quite okay.

3. My person Jill is playing the drums for me on Sunday night when I lead music at church. This is her VERY FIRST TIME. Awesome. My person Jill is also having a baby! This is most excellent news that I can finally tell people after keeping my mouth shut for quite some time.

4. Mattie has found a good home and is doing well. We currently have 3 kittens - Muddles, Cashews and Pete. THey are VERY little and we're in the throes of potty training right now, which has proven to be gross at times. Cashews is doing great -- it's the BOYS that feel the need to poop in random places. Isn't that always the case...

5. I am travelling into Shelburne once a week now to teach Internet at the library there - 6 clients back to back, with the possibility of 2 more. LONG day. I'm dead on Thursdays. This coming Wednesday I will be enjoying supper between clients with THE Daniel Young, as well as a boy I call "Shelburne" (aka "Thank you, Dave"). Anticipating good times, had by all.

6. Saw "Bucket List" last night --- I left before the throw-up scene, then came back to enjoy the rest. Not bad at all, for what it was. THe last line was my very favourite. Looking forward to seeing Juno with Jilly when I'm over the plague.

7. I have the plague. While I imagine I have the flu shot to thank for not having gotten anything ridiculous thus far, I now have the cold to beat all colds. No, that's not true --- it's not so bad.

8. I do not have cancer, at least not that I know of. A large mass turned out to be a benign cyst. This is good news.

9. There are three episodes of House left.

10. When I was home in Ontario, I met with my dear cousin Tina, who directed me to read the book "Crow Lake", as well as a few others I have not yet gotten to, but will, because my cousin has impeccable taste, proven by "Crow Lake". I also met with my dear friend Emily (aka Mal), a lovely gal who was almost born in my father's car. Good to reconnect. AND, now I will never forget when my anniversary is, for she has given me a memory peg to hang that hat on.

11. I am blessed.

My first REAL Christmas tree!

2007-12-23T17:57:00.000-05:00

I am a terrible wife, most of the time, but my husband is always giving me special blessings regardless. My first REAL Christmas tree is one of them. I LOVE it. And last night we had the teens over for their first J.P. Peterson Smith Seasonal Decorating Challenge, and we had them make ornaments, which look AWESOME! We'll do this every year and fill the tree with homemade keepsakes. I keep thinking that this is going to be so special when (Lord willing, should He give us that many years on this earth) 10, 20 and 30 years down the road all these kids are in college, and we can decorate the tree and remember them and think of how far they've come.

My life is so full of blessings.

Cussin'

2007-12-21T20:22:00.001-05:00

Discussing the rules

2007-12-18T19:43:00.000-05:00

I spent many days with the Youngs, including one extra day when the Digby ferry was canceled on account of weather. I did NOT manage my energy well and conked out in a chair early the last night. However, the other nights we stayed up quite late and did some of the things we do best: made a lot of noise, played Mao, sang in some incredible harmonies (I am learning how to sing the Pokemon theme song so that I can add my harmonies to that of the Youngs on my next visit), ate stuff Deb made, and laughed 'til we cried. My new favourite Mao rule is that every time you get a penalty, you have to thank Dave. Ex. "Penalty for playing out of turn" must be followed with the response "Thank you, Dave".

I played a lot of Wizard Chess also. And quoted Catface. "I must go to the shops, yes." And my new favourite board game is called "Caylus".

The kittens have returned to their home. The very next day I picked up Mattie, who has been living in an old car for at least a year. He needs a home. He's away today getting fixed, but we have another visitor in his place --- a tiny, tiny little kitten who is currenly acclimating herself to her surroundings and is fascinated by a plastic-encased clock laying on the spare bed (she keeps batting at the second-hand). She will be with us 'til Christmas; she already has a home to go to. My cats are not super-excited to have her here, but are reacting more with curiosity than animosity, despite their silly hissing. This cat hisses back, though --- good for her :)

I visited Saint John First Wesleyan this weekend, and it was a good thing. I think this is only the second time I've been back for a service, and so there was a lot of hugging.

Remiss

2007-12-08T20:23:00.001-05:00

I don't like using the computer at home, because I'm on it all day at work. And I don't blog at work, because blogging is not work. And so here is yet another disjointed update:

I am on my first forever medication for my thyroid, and will soon be on my second, for my cholesterol, because after months of eating VERY well, my overall only dropped a point, and my doctor says it should have dropped back to normal long ago if it was just a diet issue. So it's hereditary. I'm adopted, as some of you would know, so my medical history is sketchy. I guess it's about time to have my adoption records opened.

There are cats EVERYWHERE at my house. We're fostering three fluffy kittens, and still have our two cats. This amounts to us having the same amount of cats as there are rooms in our house. That might be okay if the cats would spread out, but they are prone to all wanting to be wherever we are. One of the cats likes to try to cram her nose up my nose. That's my favourite. And last night Milo fell into the bathtub while I was in it. And sometimes I wake up and a cat is sleeping on my face. This is actually all more enjoyable than it sounds.

These cats will actually be returning home --- one of their humans is in the hospital, but will be home in two weeks and then the kittens will go back to their family.

My husband and I got the first season of 24 from the library - 6 hours to go. Lovely show.

Things I have not yet ceased to love: My job, my boss, my friends, my Person, my church, my neighbours.

A few weeks ago I travelled to Charlottetown, Halifax and Lower Sackville to represent Bethany at a College/University fair - VERY fun. It's great to have a job that provides so much flexibility.

Speaking of job flexibility, my boss has okayed another trek to Saint John for next weekend.

Looks like some more funding might be available for me, which means I'll be at my job until at least March. This is EXCELLENT news.

Sela Ward is my favourite actress. I wish she was in more stuff.

I miss Exalt. I wish it happened more than once a year.

My husband is in rough shape. He lost a filling a while ago, and in my attempt to teach him responsibility in baby steps, I told him that if he gave me some numbers for local dentists, I would call and find one that would take him. He did not, so I did not. Now he is in terrible, terrible pain. (Suffice it to say I called to make an appointment without him fulfilling his part of the bargain --- hopefully the consequences of his procrastination will effectively teach him the lesson.) I want to take him to outpatients to get an antibiotic to tide him over until his dentist appointment on Tuesday, but being the stubborn man that he is, he refuses.

My roommate has Typhus. (That roommate is obviously Selinda.) Only my boss seems to understand that this is cool. Everyone else looks at me like I have two heads when I tell them the news with excitement. Typhus is even cooler than malarya. She had that too, you know! (She's recovering, by the way. It wouldn't be cool if she wasn't --- I'm not a monster!)

My Person gave me the nicest pair of brown boots. Tomorrow she is giving me a coat that goes with them. I TOLD you she has the best hand-me-downs.

I have observed some of the coolest things about people in my church. I will share them the next time I blog. I'm done now. :)

Good times had by all

2007-11-16T21:29:00.000-05:00

This evening I invited a random collection of ladies and young ladies to my abode for some Dance Dance and healthy snacks (plus some chocolate cake and the chips Esther snuck in), as well as the inevitable playing of cards.

I love it here. People my around my own age who like to do stuff together. And you can invite people and it's not like, "Ah, man, another thing I have to fit into my schedule". Getting together is IMPORTANT stuff here. People LIKE to connect and hang out.

I. Love. It. Here. What a great place to be. I am so blessed! Who needs shows not to suck when REAL life is grand?? (That's right, CSI - I'm over you!)

Pictures to follow when Karla sends them to me :)

Thank you, Dr. Seuss

2007-11-16T09:12:00.000-05:00

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."

I am disappointed.

2007-11-15T20:14:00.001-05:00

CSI blew.

I know I can't be totally objective, but I think I'm objective enough to say that watching that episode, and really the whole series, was a waste of my time. This episode was what was needed to make the whole series worth it, and they blew it. Big time.

Not only was the ending completely unsatisfying, with Sara (Jorja Fox) taking her leave as scheduled but in the worst and stupidest way, but the whole story line was dull and ridiculous. In my opinion.

It wouldn't be so bad if there was some guarantee she'd be back for guest spots. When Mulder left the X-Files, I stopped watching, but then when he came back for the last few episodes, it brought the closure that was needed and when I caught up on DVD I was able to enjoy it all. Now, Jorja MIGHT come back. If I knew for sure, then I could probably keep watching and not feel so shafted. But if this was the END, then for crying out loud.. that sucked!

Ridiculous.

I know it's just TV, and it won't matter tomorrow, but right now, when I was expecting to be watching the episode a second time (thanks to ExpressVu time shifting) to enjoy it's Grissom-Sara angsty goodness, instead I felt the need for a good rant.

At least I don't have to watch the show anymore. I'll catch up on DVD if it stops sucking. But until then, CSI, you are dead to me.

And I still love my job.

2007-11-09T21:25:00.001-05:00

A lot. It looks like I should be able to get another term of funding in January - I hope I hope I hope!! My boss make me laugh every day, even if she makes poor choices sometimes. :) :)

Also, tonight I played Mao will a lovely group of ladies --- thanks, Esther, for setting that up and having us over! Some people hate Mao, and others are willing to learn and enjoy. This group was of the latter persuasion, so it was delightful. And I didn't suck at Dutch Blitz -- Selinda, I did well!! AND, no one got hurt!

Life still good. Very very good. Praise God.

The joys of Personhood

2007-11-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

I have a Person. This is a "Grey's Anatomy"-type person, not a Dimitri Martin-type person, in case you were wondering. Here are some reasons why I love my person, in no particular order:

1 - She gives me hand-me-downs, and they are awesome.
2 - I could tell her anything, and she would still love me.
3 - She could tell me anything, and I would still love her.
4 - We don't have to see each other often to still be persons. And when we're together, we can just jump right into the important stuff if we want. Or, we can goof off. We're good at goofing off.
5 - She is learning the drums, and is already a rockstar.
6 - We came into each other's lives just when we were both most in need of a Person.

Blogging for Esther

2007-11-09T21:11:00.000-05:00

Recent events of note:

Last Tuesday, I hopped in my car after work and headed to Halifax. It was a beautiful drive, with a sunset at my back and a large rain cloud with a full arc of a rainbow right over the road. Lovely. I stayed at my inlaws, then off to Sussex in the morning. I prepared for Campus Challenge, and then off to Saint John for trick-or-treating with Eb and Gracie. I got candy by accident by holding my witch's hat --- it kept blowing off, so at one house I had it in front of me, and someone put candy in it. I got a whole hatfull of nice candy, which I traded for other candy.

We had the great clothing exchange - I brought all of Jilly's hand-me-downs that didn't fit me, and the kids picked through. Lovely time. I also graduated to dangly earrings, and picked out three pairs from the ones Paulette makes.

Campus Challenge went really well. Then to Lynnette's for fellowship and Grey's and sleep. The next morning I had tea with Jean Hayes, picked up my stuff at the Youngs, dropped in on the Myers, had lunch with Megan Stephens, then back to Bethany for the POST Campus Challenge work. I stayed over that night at Jane and Dave Higle's.

Saturday afternoon, I played "Writing Utensils" (Spoons) and a little Mao with some delightful teens (Dan Young, Annie, "Steve", Katie, Shelburne, and some extras) for a long time. After the evening rally, I drove Dan back to Saint John in the hurricane (I was planning to go to Halifax that day, but didn't want to drive into the hurricane). After good times had by us, I slept through most of a movie, then went to sleep.

Waking up = not fun. Thankfully Gracie and Ebby also were not inclined, and we whined together. I went to church in Apohaqui, then continued on to Halifax for overnight, where I had a VERY lovely visit with my inlaws and looked at pictures of Paul when he was little. The next morning, I drove home, and made it to work by noon. THe end.

Some things I love about my church

2007-10-22T17:06:00.000-05:00

1. First and foremost, I love my Sunday school class. It's a ladies class with people around my age, and it's fabulous. It's very informal and feels very sincere and real. LOVE it.

2. On a newborn's first Sunday in churrch, Pastor Steve does this thing where he picks them up and carries them around the sanctuary so that everyone can get a good look.

3. There are some ADORABLE little kids here. I played Play-Doh with them in nursery for a few minutes this Sunday; so fun. I'm going to have to volunteer for nursery duty --- I haven't done that since I was in my teens. I'm going to have to relearn how to change diapers, I guess :)

4. There are a lot of people who genuinely seem to LIKE each other, and spend time together outside of the church.

5. We are meeting some awesome, fun and talented teens!

6. There's lots of ways for me to be involved, but no where that I'm really desperately NEEDED. So I am slowly evaluating where my gifts might best be applied, and in the meantime just enjoying being a part of random things at random times.

7. The board (LBA) is AWESOME! Ridiculously awesome! Encouraging, helpful, and desiring to see the church change, grow, and be healthy.

8. I met people there that I now consider FRIENDS. Not just CHURCH friends, but LIFE friends. That's the best part of all.

Reality sets in

2007-10-12T17:09:00.001-05:00

Today was the first time since we've moved here that I've been sad. At first I thought it was simply boredom, and that's definitely a part of it --- I haven't been working much this week because I don't officially start back until Monday. So I'm out of my regular schedule, and I've been trying to fill my week with random things, resorting mostly to excessive napping and television and Facebook games. That worked for awhile, but today it just didn't do it for me, and I got what I now recognise as being sad.

Previously, I was overworked and underpaid and often miserable. But at least I was busy. Always busy. If even a hint of boredom were to set in, I would just keep working.

Here, when I'm working, my days are full enough, and my evenings are delightful because I've been with people all day, so it's okay to be alone. Or it's okay to spend time with others, because I like my job and come home with energy left over.

I spent today desperate for human contact, but not knowing where to seek it. Jill is the only one that I would feel comfortable calling and saying "Hey, can I butt in on your day and spend some time with you?". But Jill was working. So I sat around most of the day willing the phone to ring.

Then it did ring - Esther called to invite Paul and I over. And I was elated, because I NEEDED to get out, was so excited to finally have an invitation. But Paul didn't want to go --- this is his perogative; it's his day off, going into a busy weekend. He should be allowed to vegg. Right?

But over the edge I went as I hung up the phone, barracaded myself in my room, and was suddenly struck by how lonely I was. There was moping, a little crying, more Facebook games, and now blogging. And now more crying, incidentally.

Despite that I feel pretty crappy right now, I see this as positive --- In my "old life", I was so drained all the time that I wanted to be alone every chance I got. (Lynnette was the obvious exception, because she would come over and we'd be drained together.) So now WANTING to be with people and have real connections, that's got to be a good thing. It means I'm healing and ready to build relationships again. Now it's just a matter of re-learning how to go about that, and also training my pride to fit into the culture I live in now, where people don't seem to resent spending time with each other, busy or not.

But I also need to relearn how to be alone --- in the healthy sense. So that I can be okay with that, too.

I think I'll go mope in the bath, and then go to bed early. I'll let tomorrow be a new day.

That (see previous post) being said...

2007-10-09T16:39:00.000-05:00

...I need to repent of a lack of trust. I am intensely paranoid or perhaps superstitious about my new-found happiness. I keep waiting for something terrible to happen and for the happiness to be snatched away. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with a fatal illness, for Paul to be in a car accident, for our house to burn down, for my new friends to decide I'm not really worth the bother.

I guess I feel like God gave me a break when I was at the end of my roped physically and emotionally, and that once I've regained my strength I'm going to be tossed back into the fray. And that's no way to live. Life will not always be this great, and there will be challenges to be faced. But they're not to be dreaded, and right now I dread them. Maybe that means there's more healing needed for me. Or maybe I just need to stop being ridiculous.

I guess the chorus of the song isn't as silly as I may have indicated:

"This innocence is brilliant; I hope that it will still -
This moment is perfect; Please don't go away..."

I wish I could live in this peace forever.

I almost resent that Avril said it best...

2007-10-09T16:28:00.000-05:00

...but she did. Minus a ridiculous chorus, which I removed, this is "Innocence", and it's how I feel.

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

1. Ebay and 2. Holiness for Service

2007-10-02T07:27:00.000-05:00

1. I won my first Ebay auction last night - for a flute. It's something I've wanted for a long time, and went to buy when I was in Hali on the weekend. But the place I'd been planning to get one didn't have any left. SO, after assisting Chris Stephens during ministerial using my PalPal account (which I had never used before) it occurred to me how easy and potentially fun Ebaying could be. I'm going to need some serious boundaries now that I've caught the bug. I've already told myself that I'm not even allowed to LOOK on Ebay again until my flute arrives.

2. It's been a long time since I thought seriously about holiness, which makes me sad because I used to be so passionate about it. Last night on the phone my mom and I discussed the differences between Calvinism and Arminianism (she was brought up Calvinist as a Christian Reformed --- they actually had a hymn they used to sing in "Young Peoples" that was entitled something like "Calvinists are We") and it got my brain returning a bit to my days of academia where debating and owning these concepts made me first desire to be and then proud to be a Wesleyan-Arminian.

But in Sunday School (there's a women's class here with people around my age in it - I GET TO *GO* TO SUNDAY SCHOOL! I LOVE IT!) we talked a bit about intimacy with God and Christ, and I realized that while I've longed for holiness, it's always been for SERVICE, not to produce intimacy. I.E. I don't long for intimacy. Does that make sense? I believe that I am called to holiness because true holiness is God's answer to the wrongs of the world. It is as holy followers of Christ that we can most effectively fulfill our mandate of loving others as ourselves. But the idea is starting to take root somewhere inside me that it is as holy followers of Christ that we walk in closest intimacy with Him. And I don't care as much as I should, even though the mandate of loving the Lord with all your heart actually trumps loving our neighbours in the grand scheme, and really is a prerequisite.

I've obviously got a lot of reprogramming to do.

A week in review

2007-09-29T06:43:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, Jules and Jill drove me to the Digby boat, with much laugther and hi-jinx along the way, and the attempt to visit farms (it was "Open Farm Day") that were not yet open to the public. On the boat I got my usual seat and fell asleep almost immediately. When I awoke several hours later, the boat was PACKED full. 3 bus groups plus normal traffic.

I love the boat --- it's 3 hours where I can't do anything but sleep and relax, because trying to read, work, or even sit upright to carry on a conversation makes me feel sea-sick.

I was retrieved from the boat by Paulette at the appropriate time, and whisked off to the Young abode for a whirl-wind visit. I stayed over night two nights and was gone by mid-morning Tuesday, but it felt once again like I had been there for a week or more. This is wonderful, but it allows short visits to be very fulfilling.

At the Youngs, I engaged in the following activities (this is not an exhaustive list, nor in order):

1. Played guitars with Ebby and Meg
2. Played piano/violin with Sheila
3. Ate fibre cereal without milk
4. Ate fibre cereal WITH milk (Paulette brought me the gift of skim milk on Monday!)
5. Watched and laughed at ridiculous YouTube videos with Sheila, Dan, Meg, Eb and Gracie
6. Watched some episodes of the Cosby show late at night
7. Did math, including a speed math test, which I finished but did not win.
8. Got my ears pierced --- Gracie held my hand.
9. Treated the girls to Wendy's.
10. Made posters for Sheila.
11. Listened to Nate read.
12. Got locked out, so went to play on the beach with the girls.
13. Went to Walmart.
14. Made Ebby cut my hair (because she'd never done it before).
15. Saw Fin, Zara and Emma.
16. Helped with a large puzzle of the world that fills most of the kitchen floor, and learned the Fiji is in the South Pacific.
17. Stayed up until 2 a.m. on Tuesday watching Stephen King's The Langoliers, which started out as intriguing and funny, and turned into the worst movie ever. But when it's that late at night, you can't stop laughing. Dan woke us up with Rice Crispies the next morning: "HORRIBLE CEREAL NOISES".

Daniel was a victim of a drive-by shooting - he and Fin were walking down the road and someone threw a basketball at them (a yellow, smiley-face basketball, ironically). Dan had to get his hand x-rayed, but it seems to be doing better now.

My ears are doing fine. I had them pierced 3 times before and they always got so infected I had to give up. Not this time! I am determined!

On Tuesday I went to MusicStop to visit with Geoff Banks, and was then picked up by the lovely Carolyn Myers and taking to spend a few hours at her house. Her children have just started homeschooling, 2 in French. I spoke the best French I could manage with ridiculous results. There was also a great deal of annana consumed, and the playing of baseball badminton. Good times had by all.

Then off to Beulah for ministerial, which was much more like camp and Bethany than you would think a meeting of district pastors would be. The new card played a lot of cards. The old guard probably prayed for their souls for allowing the devil's cards to be brought onto the hallowed land of Beulah. I didn't go to a lot of stuff; I was mostly there to see Lynnette, and I also got in a visit with Megan Stephens. But it was good to renew some ties and make some new ones.

Some philisophical issues were raised which I will address in another blog post.

Thursday we went back to the Youngs so Paul could so some adjustments on Ebby's electric guitar and I could pick up the items I had left behind and finish off the skim milk. Then to Bethany to pick up a chord chart and visit briefly with Jane Higle, then to Salisbury Irving for lunch, then on to Paul's parents in Lower Sackville.

Friday we awoke, went to XS Cargo to buy me a flute, which they had none left of, then to Future Shop where I purhased two seasons (almost 5, but I couldn't justify the expense) to the X-Files for $20 each. A good value. It was pouring rain, so after that I refused to get out of the car again. The car heater had us dried out 2 hours later or so. Yuck.

It is good to be home. Very good. Our house smells like litter despite cleaning it and airing the place out, so that will have to be dealt with. But the cats are happy to see us, and I'm just glad to be back in this place (the town, not the litter house). I stopped by work on the way, and found out I have 9 weeks of funding starting October 15th, and that I can work during the next two weeks to bank hours if I want to take time off during the 9 weeks. This is a good deal.

Paul and I may be foster parents for cats and kittens. More on this to come. I also picked up two new web sites for work, which will keep me quite busy.

Now it is Saturday. Today I will go out for lunch to celebrate a new friend's birthday, watch "Once and Again" on DVD so I can start passing them to my boss Joelle, who will simply LOVE them (I got her hooked on Grey's, so I know this is right up her alley), and deal with the litter smell. And then the week will be over.

:)

I'm on steroids

2007-09-21T18:54:00.000-05:00

A lovely steriod nasal spray, that is. I'm going to have the buffest sinuses in town. Woot woot.

I have to do an hour or so of work tomorrow, then I'm off for two weeks --- my funding is up, and my new funding will start then. So I finally get my "vacation" that I planned to take when I first got here! But I don't even really need it. I wanted to take a break because I needed to destress and heal, but I was able to do that IN my job. I am so blessed to have a job that allows me the flexibility to work when I'm well and rest when I'm not; it has made all the difference. I am very aware that this is providential --- how many people have this kind of schedule? It was just what I needed.

Sunday morning Jilly is taking me to the boat so I can go to Saint John and visit my "family" there. Then Paul will drive around on Tuesday and I will join him at Beulah for Ministerial (and watch the House premiere with Lynnette!). On Thursday, we'll go to his parents for overnight, then head back home. At first I was disappointed with how it worked out, because I would have loved to take the whole two weeks in Saint John. But when I thought about it more, I remembered that, hey wait, I love it here in Woods Harbour. I think it will be fun to have a week off and be able to take walks with Esther and have people over and go to the bank to talk about mortgages and maybe explore some of the places I haven't seen yet. Lord willing, it shall be swell. I wish I could bring my "family" back with me, though.

I learned CSS at work, and made a few websites with it. Very nice... or so I thought until I tried to view them on our Mac -- it MANGLED 2 of them. So now tomorrow I will have to try to edit code until my PC and the Mac can both view the sites properly. Silly Macbook. Silly Safari.

I have a secret prayer sister! I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was a nice surprise (no one asked me if I wanted one, and I hadn't been here when people were matched, so it was unexpected), and I've never had one before, except for at BLEC. I get prayers AND presents! And my name was spelled with stickers! STICKERS! It was SO NICE. I wish it wasn't a secret, though, because when Paul brought the stuff home, I got all blessed and wished I could have hugged the person and let them know how much it meant. Esther, if you know who it is, will you tell them for me?

HOUSE HUNT UPDATE - the house referred to in the previous message did not turn out to be what we had hoped. Really NICE, but not enough house for the money they were looking for. We looked at another house that someone had flipped, and it was WAY nice, but still too much money, and not with a finished basement. Another house today - the price is right (assuming we can get them down a bit) and it has real potential I think. It has a basement rec room with a little bar counter in it that would be great for youth. (No, not to ply them with alcohol.) The real problem is that the people are smokers. Anyone have any insight on how long it takes for the smell of smoke to exit a house? We could obviously rip up the small amount of carpet (just on the stairs, I think), but will that do it?

I guess it's in all of Canada that first time home buyers only have to pony up a smaller percentage for the down payment on a mortage, and can borrow against your RRSP to do it. BUT Is it true that you can't borrow against your RRSP through Wesleyan Pension? I think I read that on someone else's blog. That would stink.

Oh, I didn't switch to Geico, but my car insurance seems ridiculously low; I just received the documents from my broker in Saint John, and it was less than $800 for the full year, full coverage on a new car. I was expecting it to be a lot more, and was concerned about adding those payments to all our other ones. But this is TOTALLY doable --- I was able to write a check for the full amount! Total blessing.

I am so happy here. I know I say that a lot, but it just blows my mind. The glass-half-empty in me keeps waiting for something bad to happen. And maybe it will, but I won't be able to deny that for these months at least, I have been completely content.

Saturday

2007-09-08T05:55:00.000-05:00

We want a bigger house. Not even for us - we're quite comfortable in our little rental; it's just the right size for two active cats, a caged rodent, and two less-than-active (at least in the home) adults. We have a nice yard, a nice view, and great neighbours all around us.

The problem is that Breakfast Club will start soon, and if God blesses us with lots of teens, we're not going to have any place to put them! The church is a good size for the number of people that attend, but space on Sunday morning for something like Breakfast Club just isn't there. Or even for a laid-back youth hang-out where relationships can be built.

In essense, we want a ministry house. I never thought I would - in Saint John after a stressful day I wanted nothing more than to lock myself in my apartment and not let anyone in. God is healing me and changing me.

This morning we're going to view a house that is very near the church, actually closer than we are now. Even while we were candidating, we always said "this is the house we want", but never went inside. Well, it's still on the market. So we still say that, every time we drive by. We keep checking it on the internet, hoping the price will drop. And while we couldn't afford it with our debt load, God has been known to do a lot of impossible things to advance His Kingdom. So if you think of it, pray for us. We don't want to make a rash decision and get so buried in debt we'll never be able to dig out, but we also want to have faith if this house IS God's will for us, that'll he'll provide in an impossible situation.

22 teens came to the pool party, and a good group to the movie as well. These are exciting times!

I have to go now, because I have two seasons of House for the weekend, and "need" to get through them so they can be returned to their "rightful owner" (who is not ACTUALLY the rightful owner, and who has lent me these in secret hoping that the REAL rightful owner will not request them back before I'm done with them (the rightful owner being the ex)).

So today will involve watching HOUSE, then viewing the HOUSE. Then grocery shopping. Then watching HOUSE. Then cleaning our HOUSE (because frankly we've both been so busy it's gotten disgusting). Then watching HOUSE. Then going to dinner at Pizza Delight with Esther and the church and not-church women she invited. Then back to the HOUSE to watch HOUSE.

BBC Blogging Day

2007-09-04T14:24:00.000-05:00

It's today. I am blogging as ordered.

Sheila is at Bethany now; it's weird to say "they grow up so fast" when I've only known her for four years. She's entering the same program I was in - XD. I wish I could be there to help her navigate the first few days. Overwhelming.

Still love my job. Still love my life. Still love my new friends.

Paul held his first youth event last night, and 13 kids showed up. We don't know how, but yeah. 13 mostly random, unconnected kids. God is good. Tonight, event #2 - Pool party and BBQ. Tomorrow, event #3 - Last minute school shopping and movie (Mr. Bean) in Yarmouth. Pray for us!

Ab

2007-09-02T19:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not huge on playing in Ab. Or Eb, Bb, Db, A, or B. Today I was on the worship team playing piano both in the morning and the evening. I've been really greatful for the opportunity to play; it has happened so infrequently over the years where I could play without singing. I like it alot. Peter has really been stretching me by asking me to play in some of the keys listed above, and it's really good for me. Tonight I had the special triumph of sight reading a piece in Ab that I didn't know while playing it in G --- it was one of those moments that I wish Mrs. Weatherby and Gayle Callaghan and Sheila Young and my piano teacher growing up could be there to witness.

I've determined to myself that before Exalt! next year, I will be able to play in every key by ear --- Abby, I will be banning the transpose button; I only wish you could be there --- and that my note reading (which right now is probably at a first grade Conservatory level... if I'm generous to myself) will not only be passable, but practical. I don't think it's wrong to rely on my ear as much as I do, but I think I owe it to myself and to the people who's teams I will be on in the future to stop copping out and get down to work. I don't know whether I"ll have the discipline to achieve it on my own, so I may end up taking lessons, if I can afford it and if a teacher will take me.

Tomorrow is supposed to be lake day, when I get on the tube with Esther and Jill respectively and yell "FASTER" to the boat driver. I've been flu-ish, but I'm determined. Unless I'm barfing, or sure that my germs will infect the populous, or unless the Lord speaks to me audibly and tells me to stay put, I'm going. (Spoken like a true lying wimp)

Sheila goes to school tomorrow --- why am *I* nervous?

Fibre-cakes

2007-09-01T14:53:00.000-05:00

I've tried and failed several times to blog about my week back in Saint John, and I'm going to give up now. I don't have the words to describe the feeling of "family" and "home'. And I certainly don't have the words to describe how I can feel happy both here and there. So just know that my kids dyed my hair pink - just a few strips. And some orange as well. And that Evelyn is going to be an awesome guitar player. And that Sheila is starting college in just a few days, and I wish I could be there for her. And that Gracie let me cut her hair (my first hair-cut ever). And that I love my roommate. And that I love the Youngs, and the Myers. And that I'm going back in September for another visit.

Some good news --- I can keep my doctor in Saint John! I talked to Nova Scotia Heath, and to my doctor, and both are fine with it. My worries are melting away!

My cholesterol is ridiculously high, both good and bad (like, good is supposed to be 3, and I'm 5, and bad is supposed to be 4, and I'm 7... I think I got that right), so I need to go hard-core on a heart-healthy diet. I would be on medication, but since I don't have any other risk factors (I'm not old, my weight is perfect for my height, etc.) diet is the first go. High fibre, low fat. Unfortunately, I don't eat a lot of junk to begin with, so there's not a lot to cut out --- just a lot to add in.

So far, I've switched from butter to non-hydrogenated Omega-3 loaded margarine, and from 1% to skim. I've also bought one of those high-fibre cereals that tastes like health. Today I ground some of it up and mixed it with pancake mix, and it was yummy. I am also going 100% off of deep fried, which will be hard for me, because I love chips and fries and battered seafood, even though I don't have it all that often.

4 months from now I'll get retested. Hopefully things will be dramatically enough improved that I can welcome back the deep fried. It's possible that stress had a lot to do with it, so now that I'm no longer stressed about essentially anything, perhaps things have already improved. 4 months without fries. I wonder if I'll be able to do it. I don't want to cheat at all, because a heart attack is near the end of my list of fun things to do.

Did I mention my hair is pink? Bright pink. Vibrant.

I found out that my work end date is actually September 21st, which works out better because it means I can go to ministerial at Beulah...which means I can stay for extra days and visit. This is good news.

On Wednesday, I have a meeting with an organization that counsels and finds grants for young entrepreneurs. I'd like to open my own business doing printing and web design, just something to do on the side since there's no where around here that's doing it. Maybe. We'll see.

I like peaches. There were peaches at the Youngs. I miss them. (The Youngs, not the peaches.)

Paul has his first youth events next week.

Off to Saint John

2007-08-23T06:32:00.001-05:00

Today I board the boat in Digby and sail the 75 kms or so (which takes three hours... ridiculous. Build a bridge or something! Sheesh...) to Saint John, where I will be until Tuesday. I'll stay for three nights with Lynnette (she's my Person) and two nights with the Youngs (they're my family). Lord willing, it will be a lovely time!

Oh, I just found out that I have funding for my job until the end of September. This is good news!

And finally, here is the video that Jilly and I made for work. :) Make sure your sound is on :)

Annoyed with Mac

2007-08-20T18:48:00.001-05:00

I've been fighting with Baby Tony all night to get him to open movie files that I need in order to edit through iMovie. I'm not looking for help with this --- I can do it in a many step process on my PC... now that I've figured out how. I AM looking for reasons not to be annoyed. My friend Hannie shared as a comment to my last post a lovely trick regarding screen captures (Thanks, Hannie :) ), that I can't wait to use. Do YOU know any fun Mac tricks that will entertain and inspire? Hit reply and post them here :)

P.S. - I'm turning into a Rent-head. Does that mean my eternal soul is in danger? ;) I think I'm more turning into a musical-theatre junkie that only has one movie available to her right now. I need to return Rent to the library and find another, perhaps. Yarmouth theatre is doing "Oliver!" (i.e. Oliver Twist musical) with auditions starting in October --- I'm hoping to audition! :)

I miss Alt-Tab

2007-08-19T14:30:00.000-05:00

But our Macbook is still pretty. I named him "Baby Tony" because Selinda has a Macbook Pro named "Tony".

I think I live in the most beautiful place in the world. I love it. There can be some pretty mean storms where there wants to be, though. The other night we accidentally left the spare room window open, and the whole room got soaked, with the exception (just barely) of the computer and Paul's guitar pedal. i.e. all the electronics survived, but everything else was waterlogged. Just as I finished laying down some towels, the power went out, and stayed out for 4 1/2 hours, coming back on just in time for me to get up and get ready for work.

Esther is back, and I'm very glad.

Pajamas is no longer a car cat, I guess. I took her out today on an errand, and she pottied and puked, then laid in the back of the car and didn't move for half an hour. Poor thing. When we got home I let her run around outside, though, and I think I made it up to her --- she LOVES to play outside, though gets to do it very infrequently. She takes a few steps, then flops and rolls, then jumps a foot after a bug, then repeats.

I led worship in the morning service today because Richard was gone and Peter had been in Europe and just got back yesterday. I was surprised at how NOT traumatic it was. I guess I'm healing.

On Thursday, I head for Saint John for a six day weekend, to be spent at Lynnette's and the Youngs. I can't wait :) :) :)

Our Macbook has arrived!

2007-08-14T18:39:00.000-05:00

And he's some pretty!

The software is easy enough to navigate --- I think it will be the keyboard that will give me the most trouble (mostly just where the "home" and "end" buttons are different). But I think I'll manage!

Did I'm mention he's pretty?

A day on the high seas

2007-08-12T16:56:00.001-05:00

Okay, so it was a few hours. And it was a lake. But it was fabulous. Me and Jilly and her husband Jules and their three-year-old daughter Chloe. And there was tubing and swimming. And I had a lot of fun. I am so blessed I can barely contain my gratitude sometimes.

I survived this entire day drug-free; my first drug-free Sunday since I've been here. (Drugs = Pepto or Gravol; probably an important thing to note.) Next Sunday I've been asked to lead worship for the morning service, and I'm going to do it. I can't believe it, but I feel ready.

I watched RENT yesterday, and have been inspired to seek out a musical theatre group within an hour range of here so that I can get involved. It would be worth the drive, for sure.

Now, an entire box of Kraft Dinner to cap off my day.

Fun and games

2007-08-11T07:18:00.000-05:00

FUN
1. I still love my job. Next week one of my supervisors is away, so I'm holding down the fort in Youth Services. This means I work 8:30 to 4:30 from Monday to Friday, which will help me get in some extra hours so that I'll be able to go away near the end of August for a visit to Saint John! I'll miss my supervisor, though - she's a hoot!
2. This weekend, my friend Jilly and I are taking the Handycam that work gave me to use and hitting the road (in an office chair) to make a promotional video for my work. This is a "required" assignment for all CAP interns, and while video stuff is what I like to do, they have always tended to stress me out because they take so much time to do WELL (and I can't stand when things that CAN be done well AREN'T). However, I am determined to retrain my mind to find ENJOYMENT in such things, which is why I've asked Jilly to join me so we can just have fun together. I also need to keep in mind that any extra hours I have to log for the making of this video can then be applied to the aforementioned Saint John visit. So what am I stressed about?? This is a GREAT deal! I will post the video here when it's done.
3. We ordered a MacBook. It will be here Monday, most likely. This is VERY fun. Even the WAITING is fun.

GAMES
1. Rummy
2. Rummy-o
3. Bohnanza
4. Euchre
5. Settlers
6. Hand and Foot
7. Guitar Hero II

These are what we've been into lately. Peter and Esther are away until next week (I miss you, Esther!!) so it's just been Rummy and Rummy-o since they've been gone. And Guitar Hero, of course. How nice to have time to enjoy GAMES again! I mean, I played some in SJ, but there was always the "When I'm done this I need to get back to work" feeling. Or worse, the "I don't have time for this because I have so much work to do, so even though I'm going to play this I can't enjoy it" feeling. Not so anymore.

We are looking for suggestions for new games to learn and/or purchase. Ideas?

What a great place to live!

2007-08-07T18:25:00.000-05:00

So, today Paul and I were sick with some stomach thing, carrying over from yesterday. This morning I had to call one of my internet training clients and reschedule. She also happens to live next door.

Here, when you're sick and people find out, I guess they actually CARE! She brought us fish chowder (which I'd never had before but was SO YUMMY) and rolls and two of the juiciest most tasty peaches I've ever encountered.

I feel so blessed to live in a place like this, though it's still so surreal, like nothing I've experienced.

Recent...

2007-08-06T10:01:00.000-05:00

...reads: "How Happy To Be" by Katrina Onstad. I picked it up randomly at the library because it had a Canada flag sticker on it, and expected very little. My review: 3 thumbs extended and raised enthusiastically sky-ward.

...views: "Lady in the Water" was on the movie channel last night. Not at all what I expected, but I found it delightful.

...purchases: A water cooler.

...events: The other night I thought our hamster Ollie was dead, rotting in her little house where she sometimes secludes herself, wrapped in fluff and tissue and whatever other materials I provided for her that week. I removed the house, poked in the window, shook it, and there was no movement from inside. Then I realized that the tube that runs over her cage was partially disconnected at one point, and that she was on the loose in the house somewhere. This wasn't a concern --- all you have to do with a loose hamster is leave the cage open on the floor, and you find them back inside fast asleep by morning. But then it occurred to me that I hadn't seen Pajamas in a good long while, and that if I found her, I was likely to find Ollie as well. Which I did, behind the loveseat, being affectionately teased and mauled. So I put the poor cat-spit-covered thing back in her cage. Not dead at all.

...eats: Nothing. So it's time to make some lunch.

Because Esther said I should update...

2007-08-02T18:26:00.000-05:00

...I am updating.

Have I mentioned that I love it here in this forum? Because gracious, I love it here.

Some people that I love, in no particular order:

1. Esther and Peter, our gaming friends across the road, who have learned Euchre and Beans and will soon learn Settlers. And Esther is also my walking friend (though we have only walked once so far). And they have three adorable children, one of whom is named Landon and is quite possibly the cutest little boy I have ever met.

2. Jill is my squishy. I teach her drums, she will teach me to ride horses. This is a good trade. Also, we email each other all day at work. Yesterday, we went swimming.

3. My boss Joelle. She is a silly individual who makes me giggle 20 times a day.

4. Kim the librarian is just as sweet as I'll get out. There's a CAP site in the library, so I'm there a lot. Today we cut out paper monsters. On Tuesday, she "made" me (well, I volunteered to) dress up like a fairy godmother (pictures to follow) to entertain four skeptical children.

A disjointed account, I know. But I just love it so much that I don't even want to take time to organize my thoughts. :)

That was not an exhaustive list, by the way. But it's time to go play Beans with Esther and Peter. More to follow.

Saturday is Paul's 30th birthday. Feel free to email him with well wishes and random Bible swears :) marshallmojo@hotmail.com

A beautiful day

2007-07-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

Today I ate my lunch by the duck pond, for the second day in a row. The duck pond is at the library in Barrington. The library in Barrington (as well as an office that shares that building) is where I work.

Yes, I got a job. It happened by accident, but was so providential I couldn't pass it up. Here's what happened:

Last Wednesday our Internet stopped working --- I blogged about that from the library. It was, in fact, the whole reason I went to the library that day. (Know this: our internet SHOULDN'T have worked to begin with, because we hadn't called to do the set-up. But if it had NEVER worked, I would have called right away, and never had gone to the library. But it did, and I did. This is important.) The day before, a notice had been placed on the library bulletin board reading something to the effect of "Seeking CAP intern".

I wouldn't even have noticed it, except that this day I chose to stop and scan the whole bulletin board. And except that I had done that job before --- in '99, I was the CAP intern in Athens. So that night I called and left a message for the contact person.

Some things you should know about CAP jobs:
1. They are only for the summer
2. They are only 35 hours a week, and very flexible with when you work those hours
3. The job can be as stressful or non-stressful as the intern wants to make it
4. You meet a ton of people as a CAP intern
5. In most places, high school and college students fight for CAP jobs.

I couldn't figure out why the job hadn't been filled. I found out later that the federal government had denied funding to this CAP site, but then just a few weeks ago the provincial government had come through. But by that time, all eligible candidates in the area already had jobs.

I received a phone message on Thursday. Finally, on Friday, I talked with Joelle. And on Friday, I emailed her my resume. And on Friday, I went to meet with her. And on Friday, she offered me the job, pretty much right away. Technically I don't fit all the criteria (because I'm not going back to school), but they're making an exception.

My goal for this summer was to meet people. Now I have a job where that's what I do all day long; that, and sit in front of a computer making stuff and helping people. These are things I love to do. It is low stress. It is money. And I get to work in the library, which since the first time we visited here I was wishing I might some day be able to do, but knew the likelihood of a position coming open was slim.

And, there's a duck pond right out front, with benches and a fountain and, yes, ducks. And the last two days have been sunny and beautiful.

God is so good, isn't He? I went from wanting a way to connect with people to having one handed to be because of a series of FORTUNATE "coincidental" events. I am blessed.

I have a new friend name Jill. The last time I came to visit here, she took me horseback riding, and I hoped she would be my friend. And now she is, for true. And I am teaching her the drums, and she reminds me of Megan, who picked up the drums so quickly. And she is going to teach me riding in return, as she is learning herself in lessons. Tonight, she is coming for some drumming. And yes, that rhymes.

We have a BBQ now; Paul has wanted one for years, so now that we have a place to put one, I broke down and let him buy one. Paul BBQs all the time now, as happy as can be. The day we bought it, coincidentally, the church threw a welcome party for us, and people gave us money. That money more than paid for the BBQ. Yes, we are blessed.

Paul wants a MacBook Pro, and I may just let him get one. I doubt the church will throw a party to cover THAT, though.

Yesterday, Paul went to visit our neighbours, and they sent home a lobster for me, cooked but still in shell. Today, with the help of Burt (Effie's husband), I ate it. And it was tasty.

I miss Selinda and Lynnette today. And the Young children make me homesick whenever I think of them. But I am happy thus far in my new life here.

Effie and the Swordfish

2007-07-18T12:18:00.000-05:00

Today a random man brought me some swordfish. Okay, he wasn't SUPER random - he's a guy on (I think) our LBA. I realized that I REALLY need to remember to get DRESSED when I get up, because I was cleaning in my PJs when he arrived. ANYWAY, I had never eaten swordfish before, and had certainly never HANDLED fresh fish before. But I sliced myself some little steaks and fried them up. It has very little taste, so I LOVE IT! What a nice surprise!

Effie was 85 yesterday. I met her at prayer meeting. She and her husband Burt live a few houses down and across the road from us, and don't have a car anymore. I'm going to bring Effie to town (Barrington) tomorrow, and I can't wait! Our pastor says these are two of the most Godly people he's ever met, and they are pillars of the church. I would be happy to do nothing else but chauffer them around for the rest of the year.

Unfortunately, I need to find a job so that we can keep gas in the car. Nuts.

So, my internet is not working at home -- it was, but then Paul tried to set up his new laptop on the network. Now neither the network or the internet is working. I'm at the public library in Barrington right now. It is small, but has 7 computers with internet access. So until OUR internet is fixed, I will only be online here.

Things that I noticed about yesterday (i.e. the CHANGE):

1. It's amazing to have things to do, but also time to do them. It's been a very long time since I've experienced that.
2. I am super glad that Esther (Weatherby - i.e. Mrs. Weatherby's daughter) Corey lives across the street from me. On Sunday night, we played hand and foot. Yesterday, I picked up a jacket Paul had left there, and we just visited. Because people do that here - just stop by, and visit.
3. Days are WAY longer here. Like, I feel like it's Friday, but it's only Wednesday. It wasn't expected it. Each day doesn't feel long itself, necessarily. Like, I'm not bored yet during the day. But the passage of time feels like it has slowed.
4. The water often looks like it's on fire, because of the fog coming off of it. The fog makes the sunshine that much more special.

Today the true change begins

2007-07-17T05:58:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, my husband will walk a few minutes up the road to go to work, and I will not. I've started to process this in a peripheral way, but I suspect that when he closes the door behind him and I'm left here alone it will start to really hit me. I'm curious about what it will feel like.

I will be looking for work, but it won't be the same, of course. Good different, I think. Possibly very good.

Exalt! 2007

2007-07-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

Wow. My body is so confused right now; it's not sure when to eat or sleep or provide adrenalin. After a week on a bus and doing concerts following a week of practice, practice, practice, I fear my body will never forgive me.

So worth it.

Exalt! 2007 is over, and while I'm glad because there's no way I could have sustained that pace for another day, I'm sad too, because Exalt! 2008 is a full year away. But by then I hope that I'll have some Woods Harbour kids to bring along for the ride.

I loved my band. And LOVE my band. So talented -- I wish I could take them with me where ever I go. And I loved watching the way that God worked in the teens' lives. Normally I'm rather opposed to "mountain top experiences" for teens, because I don't believe they always have the capacity to process them in ways that are helpful to their future development. But this was different somehow. I'll need to think about this more.

An aside: It was amazing how freeing it was to be a married woman travelling with a bunch of kids, as opposed to being a teenaged girl --- I really didn't give a rip whether I rolled onto the bus without make up, and didn't have to wake up 2 hours early just to get ready :)

Currently I'm in Fredericton at Geoff Hooper's place. Beulah is on, so we have to stick around for the meeting on Thursday (well, PAUL does --- I'll probably ditch at least part of it to spend time with people, now that I'm no longer "Pastor Renata"). My schedule for the week is as follows: Wednesday I'll head into Saint John to return this computer to the church, get a massage, stock up at MusicStop, and then head to Beulah to do the rounds before returning to Geoff's. Thursday is Beulah-day all day. Friday, we head to Woods Harbour.

Did I mention I haven't seen the house we're renting? Paul dealt wih the move while I was away with Exalt! (what a prince!), and so all our stuff is there and mostly unpacked. We'll probably look into buying fairly soon, but for right now I'll be happy to be settled.

The end.

24 hours to go

2007-06-23T09:37:00.001-05:00

24 hours from now, we will be wrapping up my final church service as "Pastor Renata". 26 hours from now I will be driving to Sussex to begin my two weeks as piano player and band leader for the Exalt! choir, leaving my husband to deal with packing our apartment and getting us moved to Nova Scotia.

384 hours from now, give or take a few, I can shut down and REST, for the first time in three years. Praise God. Praise God.

There goes my worldview

2007-06-12T19:32:00.000-05:00

Not really. But there was this poem I heard in high school, and remembered one line to this day. Apparently I remembered it wrong. For whatever reason, I looked it up:

Stevie Smith - Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

Yeah. Anyway, I forgot what the poem was about. Because if I had remembered, I would have probably also remembered the line correctly. The line is "not waving, but drowning." And for years, I thought it was "not drowning, but waving".

That line (remembered wrong) has both inspired and encouraged me on many occassions. Many. I've thought about it and lived it. Yeah. So like I said - there goes my worldview.

Gross

2007-06-10T20:36:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I still love Facebook - it's slowly fazing out email for my personal electronic communications. However, I don't much care for all of these new applications that are springing up all over. Now some people's Facebook's are starting to remind me of too many ugly MySpaces - cluttered, cluttered, cluttered. And I'm tired of getting a million invitations a day to this, that, and the other.

Life is just so hard, isn't it.

I found out on Friday that I am not just leading the band for Exalt! (the teen choir I'm travelling with beginning 14 days from now), but am expected to play the piano as well. This is gross, because I'm terribly rusty. I went to the church tonight, being far too bored to remain on the couch any longer (and hoping that the break in the "wow-I-need-to-puke-right-now" feeling would last a while), and with my mp3 player on max in my ears gave some songs a try. Wow. RUSTY. I figure if I spend every spare minute of the next 14 days working on Exalt! stuff, I'll be half ready to go. (Also gross - after 1 1/2 hours of playing, I was incredibly sore and my right arm was numb. This doesn't bode well.)

Today was the first day that I actually had to leave the platform at church. Thankfully, it wasn't in the middle of the ONE song I managed to half-sing, and also thankfully I have great team members who took care of it all for me. I can't believe how sick I am. I'm hoping that part of it (the barf-part) was just the flu, and it's on it's way out. The headaches and dizziness are a bit more of a concern, as they've been hanging on for over two weeks now. Gross. I have a CAT scan on Tuesday, and I'm waiting to hear back from my blood workk.

And no, I'm not pregnant. I promise.

14 days until I am officially no longer "Pastor Renata". I won't miss the politics, but I'll miss some of the people more than I think I'm really processing at this point. Once the crying starts, it probably won't stop. Gross.

"Be the Miracle"

2007-06-03T17:10:00.001-05:00

I think God may have just changed my heart, and I felt the need to document it.

I just finished watching the 1995 adaptation of "A Little Princess". Now I'm one who will generally latch on to the first incarnation of story that I encounter and then unconsciously choose to dislike all the rest in comparison. So for awhile I was waiting for my favourite lines and favourite events from the Shirley Temple movie, but instead of being disappointed when they weren't forthcoming, I found myself starting to appreciate the screenplay as it was. While I'm sure I've read the book, I have no idea which movie is actually more true to the author's intentions. But all of that is, I suppose, beside the point.

In this adaptation, rather than Sara finding her father in the army hospital, the man who lives beside the school has taken him in. I found the transcript just now on IMDB:

[Randolph and his servant are at a military hospital, where Randolph has discovered that the amnesiac soldier there is not his son John]
Charles Randolph: All the hoping... you must think me a fool.
Ram Dass: Is it your wish to be wise, sahib?
Charles Randolph: I don't know. I suppose a wise man wouldn't have come here at all.
Ram Dass: But if he had, he would have looked more closely upon the soldier's face.
Charles Randolph: And what would he have seen?
Ram Dass: Pain, sahib. He needs to be cared for.
Charles Randolph: He's not my responsibility.
Ram Dass: A wise man would remember that this soldier was in John's regiment. If his memory returns... he might tell sahib what happened to his son. Perhaps sahib would learn that John is in British hospital now wishing a kind man would take him home... away from his pain.

And because he took responsibility for someone that was NOT his responsibility (and because Ram Dass had done the same in extending kindness to the thought-to-be orphaned Sarah) Charles Randolph was used to make a miracle happen. Sara was reunited with her father in the nick of time.

I want to be used like that. I want God to be free to work through me to bless the hopeless and helpless, and see miracles happen.

As I was watching this movie, I began to feel heavily the passage of time, realizing how much time I've wasted on selfishness and my own pursuits. And I made a decision that I pray God will help me live out - that starting today, and every day here after, I will be a blessing. In practical terms, once each day I will consciously speak or act in such a way that God can use to speak His love into someone's life. To not allow myself to climb into bed without knowing that I have BEEN JESUS to someone.

I'm entering into a new phase of life very soon, one that will be very different from the life I'm leading now. A life outside of vocational ministry. And as I had dreamed about what that might look like, I began thinking of beginning work on my ministry model for helping the disadvantaged meet their potential, of working on my MA in ministry leadership and eventually pursuing my doctorate in the same field. But in this moment I think that God is calling me to set those dreams aside for the time being, and take a season to not lead or prepare to lead, but just simply follow HIM. "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples: Love one another." "Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me."

It's time to simplify. To leave my nets and go. Follow. And I can't think of a life more fulfilling.

They say it takes doing something regularly for a month to make it a habit. So for the next month I'm going to keep an online Blessing Journal and spend time seeking the Lord and reflecting in writing about the practice and the principle of being a follower. Thus, I probably won't blog here for awhile. Perhaps a weekly update, if anyone is interested.

For the record: I don't want this to be just a habit - I want this to be my life and breath and heart until my life is over and I'm out of breath and my heart stops beating.

"Be the miracle" is from Bruce Almighty, as you probably recognised. The theology of the statement seems kind of questionable, but I've decided it's not. God is in the business of miracles. And as Christians, we are supposed to be in the business of being the hands and feet of Christ. Makes perfect sense to me. If the world is hungry for miracles, it's because we're not doing our job; God has called us, he has chosen us. "Be the miracle". Day 1.

I learned some new words last night

2007-06-01T13:50:00.000-05:00

And then I promptly forgot them all. The National Spelling Bee championship was aired live on ABC last night, and I found myself switching back and forth between it and "So You Think You Can Dance".

These kids blew my mind. They're in ELEMENTARY school, for pity sake!

I never really understood spelling bees, and never realized that ones for kids this small would have words that are incredibly difficult that no one has ever heard of. It didn't take me long to figure out how they do it, though --- they study etymological rules. So they can ask "What is the language of origin." Or, if they get a word that sounds like something else, they can ask "is that from the ______ root _____ meaning _____?" etc. Of course, that requires KNOWING the roots in different languages (like Greek, Latin etc.).

So, it was entertaining to watch. However I have to wonder if going to all of that trouble to learn etymology is actually going to enrich their lives and educational/career propects outside of the spelling bee world. It reminds me, though, that kids have a TON of potential to learn, remember and understand, and that they seem to be rarely encouraged to live up to it. I'm going to have to do a little research and find out if kids that go far in this are usually VERY gifted, or if some of them are just average and have worked at it.

Addendum to "...deader..."

2007-05-30T04:54:00.000-05:00

No condolances necessary. We weren't exactly good friends, Shamgar and I; he was more like a live toy for Emma (and NO, that is NOT how he died --- she was always very gentle). The fact that he was noisy and messy need not be mentioned... but now I have mentioned it.

But he made cute babies - I'll say that for him.

A list of animals who are quite a bit deader than they were yesterday

2007-05-29T09:08:00.001-05:00

1. Our dear hamster Shamgar. Rest in pieces, little buddy.

My roommate is home!

2007-05-28T19:10:00.000-05:00

This is good news. My roommate Lynnette has been gone for a whole week in NFLD. I think this was a stupid idea, because I'm not going to be living in Saint John for much longer; she should have waited until AFTER I moved, so we wouldn't have wasted any of the time we could have spent hanging out with each other. She is selfish that way. But I love her :)

As expected, my GSR-ship has settled down; I'm right on schedule.

I broke down today and called to order the VIP package on Rogers Digital for the final month that we're here. I don't watch a TON of TV, but it seems like every time I'm ready to veg I flip through the channels and find something I'd like to see. Then I hit "OK", only to be told that I don't get that channel. No more Rogers for me once we move - ExpressVu was way cheaper for more channels, and the system was less user-surly.

I had lunch with Megan Stephens today --- we go to a place in Quispam called "Angelo's" (well, we've gone three times now in as many weeks). Meg and I have been "peer mentors" of sorts since our first year of college. She was there the night I got saved (she is so special to me because she shared that experience) and has been there ever since. We often joke that we suck as friends, because even though we live really close to each other, we don't see each other enough. But Megan is the kind of friend that even if you haven't seen her in a year, you pick up right where you left off. I value her more than I could ever express.

Speaking of not seeing friends for a year: I need Selinda to come home right now. I'm not one to ever be homesick for HOME, but I am certainly homesick for SELINDA. Which I guess makes me Selinda-sick. But that doesn't sound very nice.

When Sel and I were in college, in our fourth year, we began a toothbrushing tradition (Selinda may have to correct me on this, but I'm pretty sure it didn't start until then). In the evenings, we would go into the bathroom and sit on the little chairs in front of the double sinks and big mirror (this was in TP, obviously) and turn off the light. Then, while brushing our teeth in the light of the glow in the dark stuff hung all over the walls, we would catch up on our day, or share about other random things. We became very good at understanding one another, causing me think I might make a good dentist.

This was a very special time for me. I was dating Paul during most of this semester, but I would leave him out in the lobby often to come and in brush my teeth with my roommate. This of course left my breath kissably-fresh when I rejoined him, but that's beside the point.

Later that semester we began to invite "special speakers" to our toothbrushing times. We would brush, they would talk. We would sometimes ask questions. These speakers were often humourous or enlighting. For example, from Andy Walker we learned of the life of the RA (he was our special speaker during an open dorm). And from Patricia Korves we learned about apple bongs. Suffice it to say these times were enriching.

Since college, Selinda and I have continued this tradition whenever we could. I miss her. Brushing my teeth can feel awfully lonely some nights.

My right foot hurts like nobody's business. On Saturday I bought flip flops for the first time in... well, a very long time. And I wore them for two days straight. Perhaps this was not the best idea. However, I'm happy to report that I have no blisters at all --- I stopped wearing flip flops because I could never find a pair that didn't cause much blistering and bleeding between my toes. These have caused no such problem; my foot actually seems to be bruised on TOP. This may not even be related to the sandals, because my other foot is fine. But I'm going to give them a rest for a few days, until the pains stops.

We're starting to look for houses to rent in Woods Harbour. We might eventually want to buy, but resale sucks there, so I want to take it slow. I'm hoping we can find a nice rental place to settle down in for at least a few good months. I'm too young for a mortgage... at least on the inside.

Roommates not mentioned above that are also missed and loved: Tina, Sanda, Alison, Jen. Roommates' roommates: Sarah, Missy, Courtney.

I've been getting headaches, which I never get, except for when I have a sinus infection. Today I had a headache nearly all day long. Don't like it - not one bit.

Sometimes I read Tolstoy

2007-05-24T17:02:00.000-05:00

Not the one people brag about, though. In high school I read Anna Karenina in one day for an ISP. It is a large book, not meant to be read in one day. I'll admit it was more of an indepth skimming than a reading, because I had a million other assignments and readings to do, and just needed to get it done.

I've read it many times since. And today I was looking through some of my old files and found a QUOTES page. (Which is strange, because at the time it was created I should have already have been told that it's QUOTATIONS, not QUOTES.) I used many of these quotations as headers for creative writing back in the day.

One quotation was from the above mentioned book, though I don't remember it from the book: "Hypocrisy in anything whatever may deceive the cleverest and most penetrating man, but the least wide-awake of children recognizes it, and is revolted by it, however ingeniously it may be disguised."

Good word, Leo. Good word.

Another equally good word recorded in the file was from Brooke Shields: "Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

A smattering of reflections

2007-05-22T17:35:00.000-05:00

I started walking again. The weather is good, so I walk to work. We recently purchased an mp3 player (2 Gig RCA Lyra), and I've been putting my Napster-to-Go subscription to good use by listening to two songs over and over again during said walks: So Unsexy and Simple Together, by Alanis Morissette.

My tastes have changed a lot over the years, but I think that my appreciation for Alanis has lasted the longest of anything.

Heroes is over. I liked the idea, but the execution blew. Some swears.

I ship GSR again, and it's getting embarrassing, even though until I said it here, I think only Lynnette knew. And my husband, but he doesn't count -- he's seen me ship all sorts of pairings over the 3 years we've known each other. Anyway, I'm embarrassed of myself, I guess.

Today I had a worship team practice with just Paul and Gayle. For as much as I will be glad to be done, I can see more clearly than ever now how cool it is to have people I've worked with musically for so many years now that we just KNOW. Gayle is super talented, and I will miss her very much.

Paul is also super talented, but he will be coming with me.

Did I mention that I ship GSR? There's a website that has all just GSR clips, so I've been catching up on CSI just from the vantage of their relationship. Embarrassing. At least I've started obsessing now that the season is over, and there'll be nothing new to fuel the fire until October. In other words, I give this a week before I stop caring.

I enjoyed a meeting of the BBC 2004 senior class executive on MSN the other day. I can't believe it's been so long since we graduated. Our class advisor was Dave Klob, and he and his wife have popped out two kids since then. Time is passing so quickly.

Lately I have enjoyed excellent customer service experiences in many places. Today, at the dentist. Millidge Place Dental Offices - props to you. My mouth hurts like nobodies business, and I have 2 fillings to look forward to (ugh), but the service was great, and my teeth are feeling quite clean.

The Facebook Song (thanks, Jess)

2007-05-19T20:37:00.000-05:00

I Recommend

2007-05-18T20:05:00.001-05:00

Demetri Martin finds Clearification, all 6 episodes, on YouTube.com or at www.clearification.com

I especially enjoyed episode 4. I related to how he failed in "Hole Avoidance" and "Pinata Diplomacy".

Good clean fun.

P.S.

2007-05-18T16:26:00.000-05:00

Paul accepted the job in Woods Harbour.

Thursday Season Finales

2007-05-18T16:14:00.000-05:00

Grey's - Wish I had watched it last, because it was awesome. I'm glad Addison gets her own show. The Burke thing I didn't see coming. I'm starting to think that Meredith doesn't deserve McDreamy. Don't care for McDreamly flirting in bars with Meredith's half-sister, nor the prospect of her being the NEW Grey on the scene. Poor Cristina. Poor George. Poor Miranda. Poor everyone. Great show.

ER - Watched it because it was between Grey's and CSI (don't watch it every week - only if Lynnette wants to watch it at my house). Don't really care much about these characters any more (I used to watch it back when Anthony Edwards, George Clooney, Sherry Stringfield etc. were on - I kinda cared back then), but it was interesting. Considering how many seasons they've run, they're not doing that bad.

CSI - I don't know why I still watch this show - I mean, TPTB are kind enough to throw me a bone every episode of late, but must I REALLY endure the 40 minutes of NON-Grissom/Sara related stuff just for the 2 or 3 minutes of GSR they DO throw in? *sigh* And now the big kerfluffle re: whether or not Jorja Fox is coming back. If she doesn't, I'm going to be mad. I DO like the show for the other parts --- I think I should just not watch it until I know what GSR is coming first. Then I won't be let down.

I don't really care. It's just TV. But it's good entertainment. I'm amazed by how deeply you can be made to feel by these fictional situations. I admit that I miss feeling that way in REAL life; it feels like it's been awhile. Of course, the "deep" feelings produced by television are usually related to characters experiencing incredible pain and emotional hardship. If that's what it takes in real life, perhaps I'll pass.

Paul is looking forward to the Heroes finale. I'm kind of indifferent, but I will enjoy it with him. Liz - you are not alone :)

A list of people who rode horses this weekend

2007-05-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

1. ME.
2. Other people.

I wasn't expecting it, but boy, what a blessing! I was in Woods Harbour (Paul was doing the candidating thing), and I told Jill, a gal about my age that I met at the potluck they held on Friday night, that if we were to come to Woods Harbour one of my goals was to take horseback riding lessons. Well, she says something to the effect of "Why don't we go to George's tomorrow and go riding?" (George is the vice-chair of the LBA). Well, if I didn't perk right up. Jill talked to George, who said, "It's not going to be a nice day".

Well, it WAS a nice day! A perfect, beautiful day for horseback riding! I was fidgety for hours beforehand, and giggled with glee for at least a half-hour after it was over. I LOVED IT!

On notice

2007-05-10T05:23:00.000-05:00

Thanks, Kirk, for pointing me to http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/ I can see that this will have a myriad of uses over the weeks and months to come.

And yes, Alison - YOU are on notice!

Briefly

2007-05-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to process "Jesus Camp". I expected it to disturb me more than it did, but make no mistake: I am disturbed. I'm just not sure by what. More thoughts on this to come, but I'd like to hear what other people took from it.

In other news, I recently cleaned out my Yahoo!, reducing the size of my Inbox from nearly two thousand messages to less than two HUNDRED. I wish cleaning my office were so easy; my floor is one big chord chart recepticle, and the more I work on it, the less carpet seems to be visable. I gave up working in my office several months ago, when I got the laptop. Soon, however, I will be moving on. So soon I'm going to have to finish the cleaning process whether I like it or not.

Paul is candidating in Woods Harbour this weekend. I shall report in due time.

Also, our car.

2007-04-30T17:14:00.000-05:00

Our Kia, still unnamed, was playing a fun game called "Not always going into park at appropriate times". Or, "Not always going out of park at appropriate times". Our Kia does not suck in any way, but it sucked in this way.

Today we took him/her (we are still discussing this) to the dealership and experienced excellent customer service. An oil change (reasonably priced) and free fluid top-ups and checkup. Plus, exploring the games the Kia has been playing.

The result -- a very small something or other had dislodged and was rattling around in the button that you need to push in order to shift in/out of park. That small something or other was removed, and now it all works fine. However, that small something or other probably has some kind of purpose, though the guy at the dealership wasn't sure what. So, they're going to rip out the whole gear shift console and put in a new one. And WHY NOT? It's under warranty!

This is the first time I have experienced on a personal level the beauty of a car being under warranty. We didn't have to shell out a penny for them to diagnose the problem, and we won't have to shell out a penny for them to fix it! How sweet is that??

What a blessing. :)

And on a reasonably related note --- Saint John Kia has moved to a different place on the same road, and is now in easy walking distance to the new MusicStop location. So while we wait for our car, we can go there! This is good news.

Looking forward to a rest

2007-04-30T16:06:00.000-05:00

We are probably moving to Woods Harbour, Nova Scotia. We might not be, but probably. We'll know mid-May either way, after a "final" visit on Mother's Day weekend. For those of you who don't know where Woods Harbour is, it's on the very south shore.

If we go, Paul will be the youth pastor, a new position there that entails loving the teens and connecting with more teens... and that's all. Anything above and beyond that (which most certainly there will be, since my husband is an incredible systems creator and manager) is gravy. Normally we'd never consider going to a church that didn't have a clear job description and expectations, but after meeting with the pastor and the board and understanding a) these people really, actually, TRULY love Jesus and each other; b) these people really care about teens and want to see them loved and won for the Kingdom; and c) this church hasn't had a youth pastor before, and don't have any "dangerous" preconceptions or expectations, our fears about that have disappeared. I am so excited for him, to be able to finally focus in ONE AREA that he REALLY LOVES. I think this will be a great experience for him.

My life plans if we go there are as follows: a) be Paul's wife; b) get a random job to help pay off some of our debt; and c) take horseback riding lessons. My ministry plans are a) volunteer in areas I am passionate about; and b) feed hungry children (i.e. begin development of a reproducible ministry model that mobilizes the church to meet the physical, emotional, spiritual and cognitive needs of the disadvantaged in the immediate community, beginning with children)

Yes, I am looking forward to a rest. I imagine that I will actually find myself investing MORE time in ministry than I even am right now on a church staff, but I am eagerly anticipating the freedom and filling that will come from serving in my passions, not just my strengths. I am so creatively drained right now (though feeling much better after a week of vacation, and feeling ready to enjoy my last few weeks of worship leading), and the idea of getting out of week-to-week ministry (i.e. a focus on Sunday ministry) and beginning to focus on more long-term stuff (which I do now in lots of areas, like, for example, teen mentoring and musician development, but this would be without the short term pressure on top of it) and spending more time investing in PEOPLE rather than being so task oriented... well, it's exciting.

And, mostly, I just need to feed hungry children, in the way briefly mentioned above. I NEED to. I can stand NOT doing it any more. I feel some days that my heart will BURST if I don't do something RIGHT NOW. But in my job right now... well, let's just say that with all it takes out of me, I don't have a lot left over at the end of the day to give --- because a big part of what I'm doing right now isn't within my passions, it drains instead of fills. It's not that I dislike my job, exactly; I have the skills necessary, and there are parts of it that DO fill me up. But I'm being more drained than I am filled, and that seems very out of balance.

I like the idea of not being on staff at a church. I like having the freedom to serve in the ways that I can be most effective in and attend only things that make sense for me to attend without being "forced" to do everything, attend everything, be everything, etc. etc. or face complaints or emotional terrorism. And this church seems very genuine about their expectation that if I am Paul's wife, I am Paul's wife. It's not a two-for-one, and there won't be, at least at a board/staff level, any expections that I be any more or less involved than anyone else in the church just because I'm married to a pastor.

Paul and I were kind of joking today about NEXT time around (i.e. if/when God calls us to move on) switching things up --- ME going on staff and HIM getting a random job and keeping house and all that. We did that when we first got married, and it was gold --- he loved it, I loved it. I would obviously need to be in a very different staff role than I'm in right now in order to feel fulfilled in my job, but yeah. Maybe.

I also want to get my masters in Christian leadership, I've decided, and probably my doctorate; I'm researching seminaries that are known for their distance education programs. (Any suggestions?) I'd like to teach someday on a college level. But first, hungry children.

Did I mention horseback riding lessons? I've wanted to do that since I was a child. So why not? Why not?

In the not too distant past or not too distant future:

I went to visit Jer and Sarah on Tuesday. I love them. We ate at the Blue Moose twice, and I went to Mardens for the first time ever. 'Twas fabulous.

Soon, there will be Exalt. Three of my precious teens are in Exalt, and I will be on the tour with them as the band leader (during practices), dorm mom (in the evenings) and sound tech (during performances). I like this very much.

My husband has officially graduated from college. :)

Guess it's about time...

2007-03-30T10:51:00.000-05:00

...for an update.

I can't believe March is almost over. Criminy.

Paul and I are headed to the south shore of Nova Scotia on Monday to check out a church looking for a youth pastor. This church intrigues me because of things that have happened there recently --- moves of God where forgivness as been flowing all over the place. I think that's why I'm drawn there. I'm tired of grudges and bitterness all around me; Jesus says NO. And I guess he said NO at this church, and people started to listen is a BIG way. THAT'S beautiful. Even if we don't end up moving there, I am excited to meet these people who God has met in this way. Hearing their story has renewed my hope in what God WILL do if people are willing to follow.

Paul bought me Guitar Hero II for my birthday. I got to put stickers on my new guitar. That was nice. I'm a rockstar. Geoff lent us the first one and I beat it on Medium and Hard, almost all five stars. There's three songs I can't get through yet on Expert. On GHII, one of the songs you can unlock is TROGDOR. Burninating a country-side near you.

My kitty went to the vet. She used to be a girl. Now she is an it, with no claws. Apparently the name "Pajamas" is one that makes people melt, because everytime I say that's her name, people... well, MELT. And she was good at the vet. I know this, beause every time I talked to the vet staff (while I was there, and the two times I had to call for advice), the people there were like, "Ah, PAJAMAS! She's such a good kitty." I had a good customer service experience all around at that place. PLUG: Atlantic Veterinary Hospital in Rothesay. A+

Also for my birthday, I got Fun Dip. It is sour. I have eaten part of one pouch of watermelon.

Right now I am hungry. We are going to East Side Marios to gorge ourselves at the trough of unlimited extras. I am getting the vegetable soup instead of salad -- I had it last time and it was wonderful. A man named Tony used to work at ESM, then he started to work at Swiss Chalet across the street. I used to refer to him as "Tony, Tony, Tony", and then named three of my hamster babies more-or-less in his honour. Well, not REALLY. I just like to say "Tony, Tony, Tony". I don't know if he works in either place anymore. Now a man named Dale is my favourite at Swiss Chalet. I don't have a new favourite at ESM.

Jamas

2007-02-19T18:19:00.000-05:00

Emma

2007-02-19T18:16:00.002-05:00

Emma and Pajamas

2007-02-19T18:05:00.000-05:00

Famous People Players

2007-02-18T14:21:00.000-05:00

Last night I scored one of the puppet team's extra tickets to the Famous People Players at the Imperial Theatre. It was a black-light thing, performed by a group made up of developmentally challenged adults --- that really resonated with me, and I have a lot of respect for the woman who founded this program. I also loved the black light.

Coolest thing --- they did "routines" to two songs we used to do in band --- "The Stripper" and "Take Five" (Dave Brubeck). The strip show to the former was hilarious (because the woman just kept removing her blacklight clothes until she "disappeared"). A good night.

I'm listening to Leonard Cohen on Napster right now (my Napster subscription was a wonderful gift I gave to myself a few months back) and being a bit nostalgic about high school days. Ms. Abeles was a wonderful teacher. Though I don't like Leonard Cohen NOW as much as I did THEN, I like what his music represented to me at the time when we studied it in English.

Things that have made me laugh recently #3

2007-02-15T21:05:00.000-05:00

Another one from my funny teen of several posts ago:

I highly recommend checking out all his stuff --- on YouTube.com, search for "sheepproductions"

Things that have made me laugh recently #2

2007-02-15T21:03:00.001-05:00

Things that have made me laugh recently #1

2007-02-15T20:58:00.000-05:00

I just can't help myself

2007-02-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

I love Facebook.

P.S. - I resigned from my job, effective in June, and feel great about it. I feel a sense of peace that really does pass all understanding, and a joy from knowing that I've been obedient in this decision.

Did I mention I love Facebook?

My teens make me laugh

2007-01-11T15:36:00.000-05:00

Not because they're young and ridiculous. Well, yes, actually, because they're young and ridiculous. But PURPOSEFULLY ridiculous in a very clever way.

Take Daniel. He is a musical and computer prodigy that will go far. I've heard him create some very beautiful layers on his trusty keyboard. I have seen him be responsible, reliable and dependable (yes, Sanda, just like Eleanor). I have seen him be compassionate and kind beyond his years. And perhaps because of all that, when he creates stuff like THIS (see below) I just have to laugh and laugh and laugh, moreso than if it had been created by someone who is simply young and ridiculous in all the other ways teens could potentially be. Yes, my teens make me laugh. All of them. And today, specifically, Daniel.

Short update

2007-01-08T16:00:00.000-05:00

Things that have happened recently:
1. We survived Christmas Eve (morning and evening service)
2. We went to Halifax to visit Paul's parents, and brought our kitten Pajamas, who fell down the stairs (kind of) and cut her head open. She's fine now.
3. We went to Ontario to visit my mom, and again brought our kitten Pajamas, who fell down no stairs and learned how to growl and hiss from my cat in Ontario (she's very cute when she does that, unlike Ontario cat who sounds like an old curmudgeon (which he is))
4. We left our old Neon "Little Tank" in Ontario
5. We brought home our new Kia, still unnamed, and got it registered and plated today
6. I talked to Lindsay today --- she was at a dig in Egypt (she's getting her PHD in Eqyptology, and is back in Egypt again doing practical stuff). Lindsay was my best friend in, I think, the third grade. She moved away, then came back for the 8th grade, then promptly moved again. I recently searched for her randomly on the internet, found a vague reference in a three-year-old university syllabus, emailed the professor, and the next thing I knew I received an email from Lindsay herself. Very cool.
7. I ate asparagus today for breakfast. Highly recommend.

Lots has happened

2006-12-17T19:12:00.000-05:00

Other Kitty is dead - kidney failure. We had to put her to sleep.

Then, impusively, the very next day, we purchased "Pajamas". She is black and white and tiny and adorable. And once Emma stopped hissing at her, she starting playing. It was good. I'll post pictures eventually.

We decided not to go to the Florida convention. But we still have the week off, and with our Christmas money from the church we have more than enough to make the trip to see my mom in Ontario. We'll be bringing Pajamas with us.

Christmas Eve approaches. I have so much to do to get ready for the services, I haven't even STARTED thinking about things like Christmas cards and presents and stuff.

A girl I used to know is dead. She's one of those people that I remember through pictures --- I see a picture of her, and can name lots of situations I know we were in together, though I have no actual DETAILED memory. But I remember that she was kind, and loving, and a woman of God. And now she's gone. Another girl I used to know is awake, after being in a serious car accident that left her badly burned and her baby son dead. She was kept sedated for a long time, and now she's awake, and will hear about her son. They both have/had loving husbands that are shouldering so much right now. I can't even imagine.

My roommate is home (or, "At home with my roommate")

2006-11-10T19:40:00.000-05:00

Selinda is back in Canada, and I am blogging whilst sitting in her livingroom! Roommates are a good deal. AND, she's here for many days and weeks and even months!

Out of gas

2006-10-30T20:37:00.000-05:00

The funny thing was that I wasn't even embarrassed.

The unfunny thing was that I missed Carl's wedding because of it.

On Saturday Paul told me I would need to go to the gas station, though he assured me I'd have enough to make it back to the church if need be. Which was good, I realized as I climbed into the car in the lot across the street from the Chaplaincy (a soup kitchen + type building we were cleaning and organizing). It was good because I didn't have my wallet with me --- I'd left my purse in the office of the church, because I wasn't planning to drive. (I realized a bit later that the keys to get into said office where in my coat pocket, which I left in the Chaplaincy.)

There wasn't enough to get back to the church. I didn't actually make it as far as the gas station. And did I mention this was the one day I didn't have my cell phone with me?

A busy street. At a set of lights, in the middle lane (which was good, because people could go around me). Not really in walking distance of anything that would be of use to someone who didn't have any money. So I flagged down a random car.

And that was neat, because the people (who were at first a bit wary) took great care of me. They let me use their phone (though I called AutoClub but was on hold for too long and gave up), and called the police for me so they wouldn't tow my car. They even drove me all the way back to the church (where thankfully Pastor Eric was working --- he got the gas can out of the garage and drove me back to my car; all fixed), and when we got there, the lady said, "I come here for Easter services". They had given me their full names, and pointed out their house as we drove by, so I plan to be sending them a very nice thank you note, and inviting them to come to a NON-Easter service.

Nice people still exist in the world.

But by the time this was all sorted out, I didn't have a chance of getting changed and driving to Moncton in time to see Carl (Ford Gilles) get married. I hope it was a perfect day for him.

Emma and the babies

2006-10-24T12:45:00.000-05:00

Roommates at Jer and Sar's Wedding

2006-10-24T12:30:00.000-05:00

The Cats

2006-10-24T12:27:00.000-05:00

Life update

2006-10-16T07:32:00.000-05:00

So the babies have gone to the pet store, for which I pocketed six dollars. It was sad. Stumpy's name is now Ophelia, and she lives in a huge and wonderfully complex cage at the home of my friend Sarah, and is quite able to navigate with three feet and one eye.

Last weekend I went to Jeremiah and Sarah's wedding with Tina Becker. I was very happy to have Thanksgiving dinner with my mom, Alison and Tina, and to have seen unexpectly encountered Meredith Culberson, Adam Janes, and Diana Kutz at the wedding. Sar and Jer both looked very pretty.

If I ever get around to taking any pictures OFF the camera we finally bought, I will post baby and wedding pictures.

Last night I had a dream about being at some camp and having black and purple hair and being quite depressed. But then I looked into my back yard (because suddenly I was in the house I lived in until I was four, which has a public park right behind it) and there were Amanda Moorehead (who kept trying to dance the bridge of the "Chicken Dance" with me), Emily Knapp, Heather Kloosterman (with a very cute child in tow), with cameos by Wendy Cirne, Tanya Jarvis, and several others from my Pineview and ADHS days, all grown up. Most of them were in line to do cartwheels. And I was deliriously happy to have happened upon them. Then I woke up.

My hope is that some of those people mentioned above will Google their maiden names and happen upon this site --- I'd love to hear how they're doing and where they ended up.

Maybe it's because of what I've been reading that they were on my mind. I recently picked up four Robertson Davies books from the library, and am currently rereading the second book of the Deptford trilogy, which we read in English class in high school.

I loved English classes. Our teacher Olive Abeles was my favourite high school teacher, and instilled in me such an appreciation for Canadian authors, and for the poem after which this site is titled, and for Leonard Cohen and eccentric thinking. I saw her in March, and it made me miss those days and having someone who so easily inspires (and entertains) at close hand.

I think I need a hair cut. Or the patience to let it grow.

I'm in a young adult small group for 40 Days of Community at our church, and because of the people in it I've actually been able to feel like a PART of it, rather than it being an obligatory thing a pastor has to do. It's done me a world of good to spend time with people my own age on a consistent basis.

Rogers no longer has late fees, "and unlike Blockbuster" they "don't charge restocking fees". Judged.

A while ago...

2006-09-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

...Diana Davis took down her blog. Many people took her out of their links. Some did not. Today I accidentally followed the link from Missy's site, realizing my error as I depressed the mouse, and expecting an error message from a broken link.

Not so much. Someone new has moved in. It's funny when that happens.

For those of you not on the District...

2006-09-18T08:15:00.000-05:00

...but who knew Tabor and Julie from BBC, this came down from Dr. Wilson this morning:

"Tabor McComiskey's wife Julie was involved in an auto accident yesterday - Saturday - that left her hospitalized and their young son Taylen lost his life. I do not know further details except that they were involved in a youth activity at the church and a truck collided with their car near the church...

Please remember them in your prayers just now. You may contact Tabor at peoples_tabe@hotmail.com..."

I wish I had a camera...

2006-09-17T16:38:00.000-05:00

...because these babies are as cute as anything! All their eyes are open now, and they're eating solid foods and drinking from the water bottle. I seperated them from the mother yesterday, and she doesn't seem to care a bit --- I think she's glad to be done with them; in fact, by all accounts I kept them with her for too long. Let me tell you a bit about them (though please note that while I am calling them all "he", I have no idea of their gender):

MARCO - he's a very dark grey (almost black) and the largest of them all. He's nearly twice the size of the smallest one. He looks like a little black bear - he's Paul's favourite.
POLO - he is grey, black and white, with very handsome markings. He and Marco are the most active and adventurous of the bunch.
STUMPY - he is brown, black and white, and has a stump. He's VERY cute.
BLINK - Blink has red eyes, and was the first to open his eyes, hence the name. He is a blondy-brownish-orangy solid colour. He bites, but I think it's because he's yet to distinguish between hands and food.
THE TONY'S - Tony, Tony, and Baby Tony are all the same colour (essentially, blond). The first two Tony's are too difficult to tell apart, but Baby Tony is a tiny bit smaller and has red eyes (while the other two have black eyes). I think Baby Tony is my favourite, because he likes to lay on his side in my hand in the fetal position with all four paws holding a piece of food, so he looks like he's drinking from a bottle.

I put the father in with the babies today, and he FREAKED OUT, terrified. Stupid Shamgar.

So I put the babies into a pink plastic bin with no top; it's just a little smaller than a regular cage. Our cat Emma loves to reach in and paw at them, sometimes putting both her front feet in. She also likes to sit on the love seat above them and just watch. Other Kitty doesn't seem to care about them at all.

I kind of want to keep some of them because of how well socialized I imagine they will be --- I'd like to get rid of Shamgar and keep a breeding pair (though that would be incest, and incest is wrong). However, since Shamgar and Ollie make such cute babies together, I will just breed them every once in awhile and enjoy socializing wonderful pets for OTHER pet owners.

I do worry about Stumpy, though. I've been asking around the church trying to find someone with a heart big enough to take on a "special needs" hamster. He really does get around just fine with his little stump, and it makes him CUTER.

And that's my story.

Dear Alison...

2006-09-12T16:32:00.000-05:00

I am DRIVING to Sarah's wedding with Tina and maybe Sasha.

Did you know that Calista Flockhart is in a new show??

The end.

Your roommate.

Bring Many Names

2006-09-11T16:30:00.000-05:00

This poem/hymn was shown to me by someone many years ago, putting in words and images things I had sought so long to grasp. I recently thought of it again, and so I'm posting it here so I won't lose it again.

----------------------

Bring many names, beautiful and good
Celebrate, in parable and story
Holiness in glory
Living, loving God
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

Strong mother God, working night and day
Planning all the wonders of creation
Setting each equation
Genius at play
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

Warm father God, hugging every child
Feeling all the strains of human living
Caring and forgiving
till we're reconciled
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

Old, aching God, grey with endless care
Calmly piercing evil's new disguises
Glad of good surprises
Wiser than despair
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

Young, growing God, eager, on the move
Saying no to falsehood and unkindness
Crying out for justice
Giving all you have
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

Great, living God, never fully known
Joyful darkness far beyond our seeing
Closer yet than breathing
Everlasting home
Hail and hosanna --- Bring many names

(Brian Wren)

The miracle of life

2006-09-11T13:25:00.000-05:00

We have found a "home" for the babies --- the pet store on the west side where we bought our first cat. The guy actually suggested we keep breeding our adults, and they'll pay us a few bucks per animal. I don't care a bit about the money, but the idea of being able to do all this again is a fun prospect. A friend of mine came to see them yesterday and when she saw how cute they were, she asked if I could breed them so there would be babies over Christmas break and she could take them home to "raise" them for a few weeks.

I held them yesterday (and today) -- you're not supposed to, but the mother hasn't rejected them; she didn't even seem to mind all that much. One of them is a little bit of a runt (though not nearly as bad as poor Gimpy was), but they are all looking big and healthy. Except for one small problem, which concerns me --- one of the black babies has a deformed foot --- it's kind of a stump with no real "hand", so it's shorter than the others and he "walks" (they don't quite WALK yet because they can't see and are unsteady on their feet) funny. I imagine the store might not take him, but he's as cute as anything.

SO, who would like a "special needs" hamster? We shall call him "Stumpy". What better way to teach your children (or your spouse) some responsibility than to start them with an easy to care for animal that needs just a little special attention?

And, no, I will not MAIL any of them to you. So stop asking.

Gimpy, we hardly knew ye

2006-09-07T17:09:00.000-05:00

Today poor Gimpy got a burial at sea. The other eight babies didn't even seem to notice they were laying on a bed of death. Oh, the humanity.

Eight hamsters in need of good homes!

And then there were nine

2006-09-06T08:15:00.000-05:00

So one of the babies looked kind of dead, but since you can't touch them for several weeks we couldn't exactly dig through the pile to find out. But a few nights ago we did a head count, and it was NINE babies instead of 10. I rooted around in the surrounding bedding and found no carcass, which means he or she has become a yummy meal for mommy Ollie. Gross.

I fear there will soon be only 8 - one of them is gimpy (it has a gash out of it's leg) and underdeveloped. I took him or her out of the cage last night and put him/her with Ollie, hoping she'd just sit and let him/her get some food, since I imagine he/she has been buried out of food's reach a good many times since he/she is so much weaker than his/her brother's and sisters. No such luck. Ollie just kept picking up the baby and trying to move him/her around.

The pet store said we should seperate them SOON so Ollie won't start eating them. The internet says wait two weeks. Paul says we should just leave them together, because that will solve our problems.

So, really, who wants a free hamster or two?